IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT...

We all fall in and out of relationships especially now in the era of technology. Gone were the teenage ideals, hopes and dreams of meeting just that one true love. Relationships are like buying cars nowadays... you gotta test drive first before actually getting them. Sounds cruel but that's how it is now.

As I read through my Facebook newsfeed yesterday, I can that many of my friends are going through so much drama about relationships. Whether they be family, friends, business and love relationships, the ranting on Facebook was just so much. One girl friend is going through a very toxic relationship lately and has discovered that the currently love of her life is cheating on her. A gay friend had an amorous bedroom affair with his lover for months, thinks that they have a love thing going on yet, he expresses that he finds himself feeling empty. A male friend just got out of a relationship lately, got into a relationship with a new one yet finding himself missing the old flame. Another girl friend talked about how blatantly her foreign boyfriend is making her feel insecure about herself. 

Toxic relationships. Shady relationships. We all go through or went through with that leaving us weak, confused and punctured. I chatted with these friends of mine to offer some kind of help and they revealed one common thing... they are going through the same kind of relationships over and over again. The psychological impact of bad relationships on us is just amazingly big and when we do get over them, we seem to be lured again into the same type of relationships. Maybe us humans are wired that way... that we keep on feeling powerless and get trapped in something we do don't want to be in. However, there are some of us who are really strong about things inspiring me to come up with possible ways to feel good about ourselves as we improve on handling relationships:

1. DON'T RUSH...

The Dating Stage
Relationships need not be rushed. We need to relax and just enjoy the moments spent with someone we fancy or we are dating . Just because life is hectic, it doesn't mean we have to rush ourselves nor others at all into something. We take time to know them more, take time to cherish the giddy side of dating, take time to discover the little pleasures of a mere glance or smile we get from them when we see them. Keep in mind that we all got our own lives too.

The First Intimacy Stage
At that very moment the act of intimacy happens, just keep enjoying it. No rush. Enjoy that first intimate things with someone. Linger on kisses, necking, petting and all those groping stuff. They are all fun especially when things go further.

The Falling Stage
Sometimes reality has its' way of biting us in the ass and there strikes many fears inside us. Fear of whether the thing going on will last or not, fear of the other person not really loving you back, fear if you really love that person and so many others things we do feel when we are starting to fall.  Although it's normal to start thinking of things we dread in life, just go with the flow. Sometimes it pays to through caution to the wind.

2. DON'T THINK TOO MUCH
Over-thinking complicates budding relationships. While it is normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful and off-center with the people we like, it is not helping the relationship at all because we tend to doubt it as a whole.

3. MAKE AN EFFORT TO COMMUNICATE
Yes, life can sometimes be cruel enough to push the other one away so make an effort to communicate. Building relationships require a lot of work and communication is the key but don't nag too much though. Remember, all relationships should have freedom.

4. LOVE YOURSELF MORE
There is something about loving yourself that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. Stop dealing with the past, don't compare your current flame to your old one and accepting the NOW are one of the things that can build relationships.

If you still feel insecure, powerless or you sense that you are trapped in a relationship or a budding one, then there is no relationship. The relationship doesn't exist at all. It takes a solid team work for both and a free will on your part to run any kind of relationships while keeping in mind that the endeavor needs freedom too. 

In, out, in out... that's the way love goes for everyone of us. In order to stay in, we just have to do our best to continue to build or keep a relationship if it is all worth our life's journey. And oh! Getting hurt eventually is part of it so just relax. For me, every relationship we encounter is worth the experience. It makes us feel we are alive! Fall in love! If it falls out, so what? It is then we move on. There are always reasons beyond us why things didn't work and it is always for the better. ;-) 

THE BEST MAN

I am not talking about the person beside the groom in a wedding scenario. I am talking about who is the best man in an adult woman's life. 

Often times, women (especially when we hit our 30's), we ponder and dream as to who will be, what type of a man he will be, how will we meet the man, where and will we ever meet the man of our dreams. We often set a certain  "standard / qualifications" among ourselves about men. These "standards / qualifications" really apply that when we meet men, we tend to be cautious. Despite of modern times and despite of desperation for some women, we still go on lengthy scales of trial and error period... you know... the speculating, the "test drive", observing behaviors till they make us laugh, make us giddy... enough to make our heart beats fast somehow.

But who is really the best man for us? There is a best man for each of us... whether we end up with them or not. It is always a special man that becomes the best man in our lives... that man we can't seem to live without especially when he is far away or when he's gone. To begin with, he is that man that came into your life when you least expect it!  He's even not your type. He is not even in your "standard / qualifications" for a dream boat. In the beginning, you don't even have a damn clue why you are attracted to him but love is like that... Love has no reason and that reason is still unknown till you get to experience the things I will talk about more...

The best man is that "just a friend" type but you are at your happiest with him even when he is grumpy, when he's not in the mood and when he is at his worst. He is that man who you want to cheer up, amuse and entertain all the time. He is that man whom you want to dream and do all sorts of things with... like watching movies, going to the beach or just about anywhere, eating food you both like, drinking anything, watching tv shows, listening to music, have a conversation about anything under the sky from dusk till dawn, etc. He makes you laugh for no reason. You like watching him play his instruments and sing with him (not referring to his instrument) but yeah... in your mind too, he is that man you want to have sex with all the time (admit it... there is that man).  

He is that best man you just want be in beautiful, dreamy places with. He is that type of man where you see the world and life itself in his eyes just by gazing at anything. He is that man you rarely or don't have fights and arguments with. He is that man who bears with you... women dramas, problems and all... because he understands you. He is that man who becomes the soul mate. He is that man who eventually be the last one in your mind before you sleep and the first one when you wake up. He is that man who can make you cry for no reason and also the same one who can make you stop crying. He is that man who makes you realize that one word that doesn't exist... "forever"... truly exists. He is that man who can make you feel your worst but also he is the one who could make the best of you come out. 

He is that best man who will always be in your heart... someone you never knew you could love before yourself... before your pride, frustrations and anger. He would even be that man you would be jealous of and be possessive of... but it's okay... possessiveness is just a scale of love. There is no true love without possessiveness. Lastly, in time, he is that best man whom you will learn to love unconditionally... for the rest of your life.

Love comes again and again for those who know what life is. But true love and true living comes only once for those who know what unconditional love is. There is no such thing as an ideal or perfect man because he just exists in our mind. However, there is that best man.  

Image Credits:
Photography by Vincent Garrucho
Hair and Make-Up by Rose Stein
Gown by Morlie Allure

To my best man... you taught me how to love, how to cry, but when you have put this great distance between us, you forgot to teach me how to forget you.


When I talked to God and asked him why I can't forget you, He told me He is busy writing the best love story for me with you. Someday then...

WHY WOMEN GO FOR SECOND BANANAS

Second bananas... I am referring to married men... my pet name for those who do not like using condoms that's why they are dads too. LOL! 

My business partner at Time in Manila, Pav Parotte at his finest modeling career... only for my blog.

My friend, Mond J. Ortiz a.k.a the guy who doesn't want to be a second banana just posted an interesting thought on Facebook and it goes like this.... "There are some women I know who are "third parties" and they are aware of it. And they are in a relationship with a guy who is married with kids and a wife. I am just wondering whats going on in the back of the heads of these "third parties". What motivates them to stay in the relationship? Why can't they just choose a single man instead of being with a married man with a wife and kids? Does their conscience even disturb them? Are they aware that they are actually destroying a family? I just cant seem to comprehend third parties because I would never allow myself to be a second banana."

Pav Parotte... a high target for women looking for second bananas. Disclaimer: Mate... don't kill me if your email gets flooded with proposals from women, okay? ;-)

Many of Mond's friends were also baffled with his post as to why some women go for married men. They gave their insights and opinions... all were very interesting and so, I posted my following opinions based on my past conversations with single and married friends:

Some women do go for married men and they do so for a variety and number of reasons that can go up to 101:

1. Don't Hate The players, Hate the Game.

Some women like this and they perceive of this as a game. Yes, these women enter into relationships with the married men who attracts them to see what he will do to screw up the lives of his wife and children to be with her. It's the same as with a man or woman who dates someone who's already in a relationship. It's a competition to some. Sick, yes... but coming between relationships to some is like a goddamn sport. 

Just modeling for this blog... Mr. Marcus (a committed guy) and Pav (a very very committed guy)

2. The Thrill of the Chase.

Some women always want they can't have. It's a thrill for them... an excitement that gives off endorphin or endogenous + morphine. Endorphin can either bring out natural pain or fight stress. I'm saying that maybe some women are wired that way to endure the natural pain of being in a complicated relationship whether it be short term or long term.  For some, it helps them fight stress. Going for a married man becomes a challenge for them. After all, it is harder to gain the attention of someone already committed and in love.

3. Second Bananas are Safe.

A married man for these women seems to be always more agreeable than the disengaged one. These women think that it is all safe with the married men... they can exert all their powers of pleasing without suspicion and that no harm can be done. And since these men are married, they can hardly demand a high level of commitment from women who go for them.

Me and Pav always have this funny moments together at Time. Nothing more than business.
Just to make it clear... I do not have an intimate relationship with this guy.
I have a business affair with him.

4. Going with the Flock.

Some women have a this herd mentality and they want what other women want. Yeah they go for the same cow that others want.

5. Great Ego Booster.

Yes, it's all about self-achievement similar to number 2 because married men are harder to entice thus; doing so is like an ego boost. It's like singing the song from Pussycat Dolls "Don't cha wish you're girlfriend is hot like me".  The fact that these women lured married men, they think they are hotter because men choose to sleep with them.

The incriminating photo that I may be judged as a woman who goes for married men..

6. It is an Earnest Business.

Life can be hard and so the grand plot of blackmailing becomes a business enterprise. Some women go for married men so they can set an entrapment. They target men who are so-called "loyal" to their wives and with perfect timing, gather evidences to trap the men and solicit huge amounts of money in exchange for silence. Ah well... silence is indeed golden.

7. Ain't Saying She's a Gold Digger but She Ain't Messin' with no Broke Nigga.

These women perceive of married men as good providers... in the monetary essence. They want money, jewelries, expensive shoes, bags, cars, etc. and that all of it comes from being a mistress without the wifely obligations.

This photo proves that Pav can not be someone that women (who likes married men) should chase.
He has this bromance with Mr. Marcus.

8. The Right Love at a Wrong Time.

It is inevitable for some women to love and be loved by someone at a wrong time. We are all human beings and love... genuinely sometimes just happen at a wrong time. These women couldn't help it. We can't beg them to stay away if they don't want to leave and be with someone else. This is what love is all about... Sacrifice!

I believe that the number of reasons behind this baffling topic can rise to 101 or more  if we clearly and further dwell on it but then I also believe that we should let these people be.  Seriously. It's their own lives.  To some of us, maybe we are wired to stay single forever, married, in a complicated relationship, etc... and to some, they are just wired to be in a starstruck relationship like Romeo and Juliet. We all exist in this world with various purposes in life and to know what life is, is to really live it on our own.

Ah... my favorite couple... Pav and my sweet friend, Anne!

I cannot truly be judgmental as to why some people go for the married ones.  Life for me is a beautiful waste of time and time is a beautiful waste of life... we should just waste our time and have the time of our lives... that's all that matters.

Thanks to E.B.E. and Vincent Garrucho for the great shots of my friend Pav who willingly agreed to model with me, Mr. Marcus and his wife Anne for this particular blog. Thanks Mond Ortiz for making me write this. Thank you, Pav... you're the best banana for this topic! :-)

A LOVE FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

Love... it is indeed one of the most mysterious feelings we human beings can ever experience as we go on living. Whenever we feel love, we tend question why. 

No one can really give us the answers answers and if look into our hearts deeper, we end up accepting the truth that we all need to love and feel love no matter what the consequences are. Love is the one thing that will keep us alive... to feel we exist.

Why do we exist? I believe we exist for many reasons and that we do exist for love. We exist for that one person in our lives who, just by the look in their eyes and their hearts, we find everything we need... it is then we know we must have loved them for a thousand years.

I stumbled into a beautiful inspiring song of love and hope sang by Christina Perri, "A Thousand Years"... which reminds me of my existence in this life. Yes, I am in love. I found love and despite the distance between me and him, I have stopped questioning love. All I know is that as I look into his eyes and his heart, I have everything this world can ever offer.

I must say I am an incurable and hopeless romantic. Having been able to fall in love and loved back, I fell from it in and out way too many times to realize that despite of the past, we exist for just one true love in a lifetime.

Our definition of love changes as we age from teen years to adulthood. It varies too with the people we tend to open our hearts to. In a funny way at my age now, I define love in totality as an orgasm... if we have to question it, then perhaps we didn't have it. We can't question love... it just happens... and if we throw caution to the wind and go to it's direction... life will be very beautiful.

To my Ilias... I love you for a thousand years. One step closer...


Images by Vincent Garrucho

MORALITY AND VALUES: WHEN THEY LEFT YOU...

I'm basically going to talk about how parents taught us when we were kids, reflects the kind of person we are now as adults.

  
I'm no sinner nor saint... I'm just perhaps one of those that despite the bad elements that constantly surround us, I still stick to what I believe is good and is right, in general. At times, I find myself playing a role to people I know... making them realize that I may not be not a great example but a good warning to those on the verge of losing their moralities and values. 

Bad (not totally) versus bad can sometimes help for others to see what's up while maintaining tact and some respect. I hate that role but it seems that it has to be that way sometimes because I felt I owe it to my own parents.

  
Growing up as a kid, my parents instilled in my mind... morals and values that helped me become polite and respectful although there are times, I have to admit, that I lose it sometimes... especially when push comes to shove. However, my parents did let me know that integrity and trust can go a long way when it comes to good character. They modeled the behavior that they want us, their kids in the family to display... holding us accountable for our actions and value honesty and integrity. They instilled morals that I would say, assisted us to become men and women with strong characters.

Our parents taught us some valuable things in life that I won't ever forget and which I will instill in the minds of my own children someday. I'm very lucky to have such good parents and here are some things I've learned:

• That a person whom others trust and who does what he/she says do earn the respect of others by his actions... integrity and trust can really do come a long way.

• That winning isn't everything...  whether we lose or win a game, what matters most is that we understand the value of good sportsmanship.

• That we are accountable for our own actions.... unwise decisions and improper behavior have future consequences.

• That there are some things in life that can be addicting and has the potentials to take over our lives.

• That others take offense in foul languages.

• That money isn't everything that makes the world go round... It is greed and power... power corrupts peace and harmony.

• That there are some things in life that can't be bought and buy you real happiness... that superficial things can go away faster before you even realize it.

• That we should learn to hold dear what's worth it... like true friendships / relationships... know which one is real and which ones are the fair-weather-friends (people who are there when you have money or things that interest them but those who will not be there to pick you up when you fall).

• That either you get to be outsmarted or be the one to walk away from pathetic things or situations that will go nowhere.

• That unproductive people... people who got used in spoon-feeding... people who just wait for money to come easy and not working hard for it are just a waste of time, money and effort.

• That wealth acquired through an insecure lifestyle and that is marred by uncertainty, instability and excessive efforts is no wealth at all. 

• That it is easy to hate and it is difficult to love.... all good things are difficult to achieve and the bad things are easy to get... just as it is hard to let go of good things but easy to let go of the bad things.

• That we should learn to appreciate, be contented and be thankful for what we have... smiling at the little blessings we get each day. 

• That patience is a virtue.

• That the acts of this life will be the destiny of the next.

   
There are so many things that my parents instilled in my mind. Sometimes I break them, sometimes I don't or, I only realize it later on... which is still good than not having to remember them. I've been through a lot in my life but with what my parents taught me, I remain a good person as a whole. 

Today,  I get it really ...looking at other people how they waste their lives, I realized how important it is for parents to take some time to instill morality and values to the young.  

  
To sum this all up, my parents did raise me well. I have cheated on my fears.... I have broken up with my doubts and got engaged to my faith. Now, with my moralities and values intact, I'm going to marry my dreams.

To mommy and daddy.... I love you both and thank you! Thanks also to Cody, Maxine and Felisa for being such great models for this blog... including myself LOL! 

WE LOVE WHO WE LOVE BECAUSE...

Inspired by Ne-Yo's new song "I'm In Love", made me think and write about the mysterious force that drives us into the arms of the person we love or we prefer to love.


I just found out that each of us has a "love map"... a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes as per the study of a Johns Hopkins University professor. The love map shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build, etc. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether its the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.


We tend to fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. This love map is largely determined in childhood.... by age eight at that! The pattern for our ideal mate has already begun by then to float around in our brains. 
 
Surveys and studies showed many similarities between ideal mates and mothers. Yes... our mothers... the first real love of our lives. They're the ones who write a significant portion of our love map! Aha! So that explains it... why us we sometimes can't help but wonder a friend's outlook towards love and even wonder our own outlook towards love!

When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention and we are the center of hers. Our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.

The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. Oh my! This is becoming to be interesting. So if a man's mom is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are and they will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house. 

For those who have mothers with depressive personality (sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting), this may raise a man who becomes a "dance-away lover" because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a lover for this reason. Yeah!!! That really explains it, right.... why there are some men who tend to treat women with detachment and perceive them as "easy plays".


While mothers determine in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, the father... the first male in our lives, influence us on how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children... pertaining to personalities and chances of marital happiness.

Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers on the other hand, influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. Hmmm.... dad influenced me perfectly well ha ha! No wonder I feel like a passionate, natural-born flirt and an incurable romantic! Daddy loved mommy so much till the very end of his life and I'm so fortunate to have them wonderful loving parents!

For some with fathers who are cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive. Sigh... too bad for the unfortunate ones.

With this recent reading of mine, I realized that in a relationship of us adults, our own family background really plays an important role in influencing us with regards to our preferences and our search to find ideal mates.


Some of you may disagree on this but I believe in what I've read. The love map makes us recognize the feeling of fusion... the oneness even as we all continue to change, grow and fulfill our lives.

Reference: http://www.rd.com

LIVING LIFE WITH PASSIONS IN 2011

I believe that to live a happy, fulfilled life, we need to recognize our own needs to feel connected to others in a deep and meaningful way.

My life in 2010 is about to end and a new one... a beautiful one will start in 2011. I want to live my life with my passions.

Living my passions will lead to fulfillment that will give my life more purpose, especially if it involves the people in my life. When our lives are fulfilled, it is difficult for any disease to manifest and thrive within. Our bodies will become engrossed in a positive feedback loop that thrives on the stimulation it is being fed. I will stick close to my passions, live by my own principles so I keep my health intact, improved and live longer a fulfilled life with the people I love.

I want to share the principles I have lived by that made me who and what I am to my family, friends and loved ones and these principles are what I intend to keep for my new life in 2011:

• I will live my life with my passions and make it my priority.
• I will look beyond my limitations.... finding things I still can do because it will help me find a way to live everyday with joy.
• I will never lose my sense of humor because there is absolutely nothing I can't laugh about. Laughter is still the best medicine.
• I will approach life again like I lived my life... with curiosity, courage and connections.
• I will open myself up to the mysterious.... as I don't have to be sure about everything.
• I will be fearless as always.... If I am to face death, I shall make it mean something and leave good footprints behind.
• I will keep in mind that if I am to say goodbye, it is saying hello to another awareness that could lead to contentment.
• I will appreciate life with it's ups and downs because my very existence is life to others.

 
My friends... I listen to my thoughts and emotions all the time. I use them as gauges to help me identify what things in my life are working for me and what isn't resonating. I strive to be on the right track, making me feel blissful and contented with the little blessings I get everyday. If there are days and situations that will bring me down and suck the life out of me, I will be making adjustments in my life so that I will move more towards a happier state of mind.

Live life with your passions and principles too, my friends... life is way too short...really! Here's to a beautiful 2011.... Happy New Year to all!!! :))

SEXLESS IN THE CITY TO AVOID HIV / AIDS IN THE PH

OMG! As I was doing my usual search engine optimization readings, I typed the keyword "HIV High Risk Countries" and voila.... right after the Wikipedia.... 9th ranked on the first page is this ---> PH (Philippines) now among ‘high-risk’ countries for AIDS!

A few hours later, I got to thinking about sex, life and relationships in the Philippines. Has our way of living nowadays all about sex for the pursuit of fun? Have we grown up yet have forgotten to learn to be cautious? Has SEX become the best Filipino dish more than the adobo????  When does sex stop being fun and start being scary? It is happening now...

This is really alarming... 5 Filipinos a day are at risk of contracting HIV???!!! My take on what is happening now is that majority of HIV infections are acquired through unprotected sexual relations. Complacency about HIV plays a key role in HIV risk.  Sexual intercourse is the major mode of HIV transmission. Keep that in mind!

So, as a concerned Filipino and as individuals especially living in Metro Manila, what do we do about it the most? Here are two (2) things I have in mind...


1. PROTECT YOURSELF or BE SEXLESS IN THE CITY
If you are single and sexually active, always wear a condom! Choose your sexual partner(s)...better with the ones that have been tested. If you're not ready to take the responsibility for your own health, be sexless in the city abstain from sex. If you're married, I think it's high time to quit cheating around and having multiple sexual relations.

2. GET TESTED
Click on this link LIST OF ACCREDITED HIV TESTING LABORATORIES IN THE PHILIPPINES and go to the nearest testing center nearest your area. Remember, this is really now alarming!

As for me, I'm opting to remain sexless in the city till someone I can truly trust, comes my way and I'll remain loyal to him for as long as he does with me. In the first place, sex shouldn't be just sex. It should involve that higher emotion we tend to forget nowadays when it comes to coupling and I'm referring to LOVE! Making love is wonderful... getting HIV / AIDS is not!

Please don't hate if I'm spoiling your fun... I love sex but I love myself more! This is my opinion because that's what I truly believe in. Help fight HIV / AIDS spreading in the Philippines! Take charge of yourself! Don't abdicate your responsibility for your own sexual health... do all you can to protect yourself from HIV / AIDS.

WHEN LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS END

It's Christmas Season and I feel a little sad for a male friend who recently ended his relationship with his partner. 

  
They have been together for a long time which brings me to ask my friend.. "Why do you think good things never last?". He answered, "I don't know." and that's when I had to tell him, "Some good things in this life never last because maybe those good things could become better or meant to be better to last in a different way.".  

In his grief, my friend managed to smile with what I said. He realizes that it's the not the end... but actually, the beginning of something better.

A long term relationships takes time to get over and to move on especially, if true love was experienced.  With positive thinking however, the process of healing is guaranteed to be faster and not that it would take as long as the duration of the long term relationship. 

It may be difficult from the beginning but it's natural... that's why we all grieve. Grieving over the loss of a relationship will help us move on and think positive in the long run.  Suppressing is only going to make it more difficult. For every end of a long term relationship whether it be with a friend, a lover, spouse, etc., we should all cry over it. After all, we not only shared good times with them but bad ones too that prepared us to become stronger...for the end of it. 

Related blog - IT IS DEFINITELY GOOD TO CRY 

NEAR MISSES: A LOOK BACK IN TIME

Born a Gemini, I took so many interests in this lifetime that opportunities came in but I shrugged them off for reasons I didn't know back then but now I realize why. I smile as write this... as I look back in time.



Had I been a singer, I would've just made one hit album. Had I continued to play tennis, I would have had worse calf injuries. Had I been a full-pledged swimmer, I would have quit smoking. Had I chosen a career path as dancer, my university dance troupe instructor would've freaked-out... wondering forever how I became a good one (she never believed in me!). Had I been an actress, I would have been an adversary of the heroine and would have been the one of the most hated personalities on television nationwide.



Had I continued Nursing, I would have been sued multiple times with malpractice. Had I secretly married in 2002, I would've been stuck being a wife of an asshole. Had I not broken an engagement in 2009 and married that same year, I would've been separated a few days after and divorced before this year 2010 ends. Had I not quit my job from a tyrant, I would have been miserable and depressed and I wouldn't have met the good people I have been meeting lately. Had I forced myself to Greece this year to chase my dream, I wouldn't have had enough time to be with him, I wouldn't have let him heal his wounds and all will just lead to nothingness.

And so I still smile. With the ups and downs, the nice and not so nice near misses I've had in my lifetime, I would've have been different indeed... and I wouldn't be really happy.

What comforts me is the fact that despite some good and bad judgment I made in my life, I am still alive, contented and surviving. It's a rat race... if I went off the course, my life would be just as dull as others say theirs are and at least, mine is not!



And so... I drink to all of that! To my dream... it's never over yet! See you in 2011 and this time, I shall make it!

CONQUERING A CHILD'S FEAR OF DARKNESS

Children especially the during the toddler days, are afraid of the dark. This is what we grown-ups call as Nyctophobia. This is a normal anxiety on kids that can turn into a wild phobia if not lovingly dealt with by the parent.



As a child grows, the imagination flies as it develops. They start to imagine that there are things behind things...imagining creatures of all sorts lurking and hiding in the dark. This, frights them to the core.

Kids tend to imagine what consists of a mere shadow in the dark... objects that may turn into frightening shapes and sizes that they would perceive as reaching out for them.

We are all afraid of the dark sometime in our lives. With some of us, this fear of darkness persists like when we sleep in strange places... we get anxiety attacks when lights go off.

This issue is perhaps one of the biggest that I've overcome as I was growing up. My yaya, my brothers, my friends used to frighten me with strange creatures in the dark and because I am one with a very imaginative brain, I have been afraid of the dark.



Now a mature adult, I based this blog out of my own experience as a child. So how do we deal with children needing understanding, love and support when bedroom lights are about to be turned off? Here are seven (7) important things that will surely help:

1. Respect a child's thoughts...
Listen to a child. Listen to his/her troubles, concerns, fears. This may seem as a big effort for parents but little do we know that we are actually encouraging them to emotionally open up and this will greatly help in child-parent relationship. Take time to let them talk about their fears. Understanding, respecting and guidance is a must to overcome fear of darkness.

2. The fear is real...
Never tease a child or berate him/her for being afraid of the dark. Do not also allow other kids and siblings to do so.

3. Never leave child in the dark without love...
Forcing him/her to face fears in the dark alone in a room may lead to an unhealthy phobia and this will be perceived by the child as a traumatizing experience.

4. Let some light shine on...
Provide special bedroom lamps with stars, sun, clouds, moon, hearts and good fantasy shapes that comes out of it. Give a child his/her own beside flashlight that automatically turns off when left too long. The latter will especially come in handy in case of black-outs.

5. Decorate the child's room with love...
It doesn't have to be expensive. Providing glow in the dark shapes like planets, moon and stars actually makes them feel secured.

6. Leave hugs...
Aside from kissing and hugging a child just right before he/she sleeps, give them cuddly stuffed toys. Stuffed toys provide comfort just the same as really soft blankets and pillows. You may even want to broaden their imagination by leaving a small bedside pouch that "contains" supernatural powers (tiny glittery star dusts inside) to "drive" evil away. This is a good time to make a child realize that there are good things in life to keep them safe.

7. Take time with bedtime stories...
A time a day to tell stories, give cuddles, sing songs / lullabies is best to comfort children. It gives them a sense of being protected from any harm beyond their imaginations.



To sum this all up, the attention, support, guidance and love from grown ups are actually what the children needs to overcome the fear of darkness and this helps in establishing a long-lasting positive relationship with them.

Thanks to Vincent and Izzy Garrucho for the photo.