LIFE IN SILENCE

Eight months ago on this very same day of the month (February 20, 2011), I sat on a bench with a Filipina woman who was all quiet at the beginning... staring at the garden view in front of us.  

I remember she had that very sad, blank look in her eyes as she held on a crumpled piece of paper while hugging her dark blue bag. After awhile, I hear her sobbing... then she cried hard. Rocking back and forth, tears continuously flowed down her face as she just stared out blankly... I could again feel her pain...  maybe someone died back home... maybe someone is dying... maybe she is dying... The paper obviously indicated a horrible news to her. I wanted to talk to her... to console her... I felt she needed it yet, I also felt she needed to be alone.

It took awhile for her to stop crying... there were moments she took out her mobile phone several times... attempted to dial but then she would stop. I felt that she wanted to talk to somebody dear to her but held back. It was then I see that she was gathering her strength. 

She was oblivious of any other people around her. Amazingly, no one ever bothered her. She took out a cigarette from her bag and lit it. After a few puffs, she unfolded neatly the crumpled paper... lit her lighter and burned the paper as she again, cried softly. The remnants of the burnt paper fell on the ground as the last part of it continued to burn till she stepped on it.

She sat there mostly crying... clutching her heart and then she would stopped crying... rocking back and forth she would resume to sobbing... then stopped sobbing. For perhaps after 2 hours, she finally stood up... stretched her body in full... breathed the air... picked up her bag and walked away.

Re-visiting today... I sit on this bench... took out my laptop to compose this. I can clearly remember how it was that day. It was a haunting memory... one that lingered in my mind for a long time as I have felt her pain... her burden.

I have to shut this down in a bit as I am an hour away from my appointment and I just caught a splinter... I have to remove it. As I look at the splinter while tapping my fingers on the keyboard, I remember that sad woman... a tear fell from my own eyes... my splinter is nothing in comparison to the splinter she carried in her heart back then.  Realizing that, she taught me a big lesson in life... that we shouldn't dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long no matter how painful nor hard life may be. She taught me in silence that right now is life... we have to face it and live it.

The haunting scene eight months ago at this very day... February 20, 2011... I sat on this bench and I saw a chance at life.

ON LIFE MANAGEMENT DIFFICULTY

Sometimes in our lives, we get to realize that there are things in this world that money can't buy but we tend to realize them too late that we never know what we have till we lost them. Sometimes too, we need to put some break fluid in what we say... we give consideration and respect to make people happy which will make us eventually happy.

I speak of burnouts here especially when familiarity starts to breed contempt. We may have grown to be good people (although others don't see that sometimes) yet, we have to understand other people's needs to have their own lives too.... to have some break free time from helping us, protecting us and caring for us and our interests in life.


Somewhere along the way, there are people who don't complain because they are grateful to us to what we have done for them but when we say things we thought are not hurtful (like saying a joke) and they get hurt, they harbor ill-feelings inside waiting to explode when one is suffering from a burnout. 


Burnout... Google it. Interest to earn money, loyalty, dedication will be diminished for people suffering from it. Having some time for their own lives, respect for their privacy, rest from work boundaries will matter more to these people as means to cope for emotional exhaustion.


How to prevent burnouts? Read "Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Coping Strategies".

FEELING WHAT I WANT

There are times in my life that I get sad, unhappy and depressed. Things go wrong and I couldn't help it. These emotions however, always help me live through life and these makes me feel eventually, what I want my life to be.

Before you go on reading, let me amuse you with this great dance video to set you in the mood as you read along....



But what is it that we usually do or should do whenever we are suffering from these emotions?

I've enumerated below things I do whenever I am sad, unhappy and depressed which might be of help to you just in case you fall into such condition...


I Dance, I Exercise 
Getting into an activity that requires me to sweat is the most effective method of feeling better right away. I just either play a dance music and dance into it or I go outside and just start running. It doesn't matter how fast I ran or how far I ran for as long as I get my heart pumping and my blood flowing. It works wonders as sweating releases endorphins that makes me feel better especially if I do these under sunlight and fresh air. When I'm done with these, I always find myself catching my breath that nothing else seems to matter. Yes, there is something about struggling for air that makes all troubles seem very trivial.

I Laugh
Although it's not always easy to laugh when I can't find something funny, I just look for it further. Life has so many things to offer there is absolutely nothing that we can't laugh about. Laughing releases endorphins, it makes me feel better and it relaxes me.

I Reminisce
I think of good old memories.... I think of moments when I was truly happy. I spend at the end of each day recalling good memories I have that before I know it, I start relating everything to those happy times. What happens to my sad memories? They end up being a vague recollection of the past.

I Do The Things I Love
As I do the many things that I love about in life like singing, dancing, swimming, doing sports activities, writing, travelling, taking photos etc.... I take them all in and really appreciate it because it makes me feel great and alive. 

I Pick Happy Friends
Having a lot of naturally happy friends work wonders! They make me happy randomly over the long term, I start to learn why they are happy and learn the source of happiness for myself, they have happy friends also and so I get to meet even more happy people and they introduce me to activities that make them happy! I pick happy, smiling people... and I hang out with them on a regular basis because happiness is infectious! 

Life sends various negative emotions to me at times but when I want to feel what I really want, I throw caution to the wind and let go of it all because there is always a spectacular side over negative ones!  


Thanks to Vincent Garrucho for my party images here at Time in Manila.

LIFE IN 2011

All of us strive hard to be successful in life... we go through life like it's a rat race but at times, our lifestyles can hold us back from fulfilling our dreams and reaching our goals. Seriously... it can wear us down.

me providing distraction to Bob Sinclar LOL!

Exhaustion

It is energy that is the most precious resource for driven business people like me... It is not time. Today's fast-paced living or lifestyle often depletes our energy and wears us down to the point that it is sometimes difficult to recover from. As I grow older each year, I have moments of having difficulties to better manage my energy to stay healthy.

with my best friend and photography partner Vincent Garrucho

with my best friend Melissa Chua

In this new age of all-access information, we tend to deplete our energy... our life force zapped by partaking in way too many activities which eventually leads us to unhealthy lifestyle practices in order to deal with day to day stress.  

with Jay Server of Time

Time for me is important. Energy is also for me, equally important. Time without enough energy can make this limited for us. I'd like to resolve the thoughts and stories running in my head that are driving me non-stop. It's crazy and it's taking away my focus from being present in the world I live in today with a lifestyle plan and goals that work for me. I don't want to be stuck then leave issues in my life unresolved later on. I got plans... I got dreams... I got ambitions. I don't want heavy lifestyle outpace my ability to take care of myself.

with Domini Primero of Time

With Hidehiko Sato and Youngji Nam of Time

with Jay Server and Pav Parrotte of Time

I'm going to sustain a high quality of life... in the sense of living it right... gaining energy more to make full use of my time in this life. Not by money motivated by envy, greed, lust, or any of the deadly sins will I get my strength to sustain my life and go on living unlike others do. I will get and sustain my high quality of life if I make my mindset work for me and definitely not against me.  

with Capt. Harry Lero of Airgurus Ltd. Co.

It's a Saturday night... I am tempted with the texts and calls for another night out but I'm going to be responsible of myself. 

with Bernard Anacta of Monaco Models International Philippines

with Edda Galoy and Luciano of Monaco Models International Philippines

 
I'm going to relax this night away, gain my energy to keep my companies Airgurus Ltd. Co., Time and Monaco Models International thriving and clients happy.  In return, things will fall into the right places and I will be eventually more happy and powerful to achieve my personal and professional goals. 


Whenever I have to say "No" to fast-paced lifestyle sometimes, here's one funny vain line i usually tell my friends that I'd like to share with you.... "WITH GREAT LOOKS, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITIES"! LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To mwro mou...

To my best friends in life...

To my best buddies in photography - Vincent, Norman and EyeQ Media men... 

To Harry Harvey Lero of Airgurus Ltd. Co., my Time partners Jay Server, Domini Primero, Pav Parrotte, Youngji Nam, Ortanez Brothers, and my best friend Bernard Anacta...

"The world has yet to learn that the actual pleasure derived from material things is of low quality on the whole and less even in quantity than it looks to those who have not tried it." Deep? I never acquired you guys through material things... I acquired you through years of friendship, trust and respect and that's how it's gonna stay till the end. I treasure you guys.... Here's to a great 2011! My new year starts today (10 days before the actual Chinese New Year.... Lovelots...  Kung Hei Fat Choi from me and my family!

MORALITY AND VALUES: WHEN THEY LEFT YOU...

I'm basically going to talk about how parents taught us when we were kids, reflects the kind of person we are now as adults.

  
I'm no sinner nor saint... I'm just perhaps one of those that despite the bad elements that constantly surround us, I still stick to what I believe is good and is right, in general. At times, I find myself playing a role to people I know... making them realize that I may not be not a great example but a good warning to those on the verge of losing their moralities and values. 

Bad (not totally) versus bad can sometimes help for others to see what's up while maintaining tact and some respect. I hate that role but it seems that it has to be that way sometimes because I felt I owe it to my own parents.

  
Growing up as a kid, my parents instilled in my mind... morals and values that helped me become polite and respectful although there are times, I have to admit, that I lose it sometimes... especially when push comes to shove. However, my parents did let me know that integrity and trust can go a long way when it comes to good character. They modeled the behavior that they want us, their kids in the family to display... holding us accountable for our actions and value honesty and integrity. They instilled morals that I would say, assisted us to become men and women with strong characters.

Our parents taught us some valuable things in life that I won't ever forget and which I will instill in the minds of my own children someday. I'm very lucky to have such good parents and here are some things I've learned:

• That a person whom others trust and who does what he/she says do earn the respect of others by his actions... integrity and trust can really do come a long way.

• That winning isn't everything...  whether we lose or win a game, what matters most is that we understand the value of good sportsmanship.

• That we are accountable for our own actions.... unwise decisions and improper behavior have future consequences.

• That there are some things in life that can be addicting and has the potentials to take over our lives.

• That others take offense in foul languages.

• That money isn't everything that makes the world go round... It is greed and power... power corrupts peace and harmony.

• That there are some things in life that can't be bought and buy you real happiness... that superficial things can go away faster before you even realize it.

• That we should learn to hold dear what's worth it... like true friendships / relationships... know which one is real and which ones are the fair-weather-friends (people who are there when you have money or things that interest them but those who will not be there to pick you up when you fall).

• That either you get to be outsmarted or be the one to walk away from pathetic things or situations that will go nowhere.

• That unproductive people... people who got used in spoon-feeding... people who just wait for money to come easy and not working hard for it are just a waste of time, money and effort.

• That wealth acquired through an insecure lifestyle and that is marred by uncertainty, instability and excessive efforts is no wealth at all. 

• That it is easy to hate and it is difficult to love.... all good things are difficult to achieve and the bad things are easy to get... just as it is hard to let go of good things but easy to let go of the bad things.

• That we should learn to appreciate, be contented and be thankful for what we have... smiling at the little blessings we get each day. 

• That patience is a virtue.

• That the acts of this life will be the destiny of the next.

   
There are so many things that my parents instilled in my mind. Sometimes I break them, sometimes I don't or, I only realize it later on... which is still good than not having to remember them. I've been through a lot in my life but with what my parents taught me, I remain a good person as a whole. 

Today,  I get it really ...looking at other people how they waste their lives, I realized how important it is for parents to take some time to instill morality and values to the young.  

  
To sum this all up, my parents did raise me well. I have cheated on my fears.... I have broken up with my doubts and got engaged to my faith. Now, with my moralities and values intact, I'm going to marry my dreams.

To mommy and daddy.... I love you both and thank you! Thanks also to Cody, Maxine and Felisa for being such great models for this blog... including myself LOL! 

LIVING LIFE WITH PASSIONS IN 2011

I believe that to live a happy, fulfilled life, we need to recognize our own needs to feel connected to others in a deep and meaningful way.

My life in 2010 is about to end and a new one... a beautiful one will start in 2011. I want to live my life with my passions.

Living my passions will lead to fulfillment that will give my life more purpose, especially if it involves the people in my life. When our lives are fulfilled, it is difficult for any disease to manifest and thrive within. Our bodies will become engrossed in a positive feedback loop that thrives on the stimulation it is being fed. I will stick close to my passions, live by my own principles so I keep my health intact, improved and live longer a fulfilled life with the people I love.

I want to share the principles I have lived by that made me who and what I am to my family, friends and loved ones and these principles are what I intend to keep for my new life in 2011:

• I will live my life with my passions and make it my priority.
• I will look beyond my limitations.... finding things I still can do because it will help me find a way to live everyday with joy.
• I will never lose my sense of humor because there is absolutely nothing I can't laugh about. Laughter is still the best medicine.
• I will approach life again like I lived my life... with curiosity, courage and connections.
• I will open myself up to the mysterious.... as I don't have to be sure about everything.
• I will be fearless as always.... If I am to face death, I shall make it mean something and leave good footprints behind.
• I will keep in mind that if I am to say goodbye, it is saying hello to another awareness that could lead to contentment.
• I will appreciate life with it's ups and downs because my very existence is life to others.

 
My friends... I listen to my thoughts and emotions all the time. I use them as gauges to help me identify what things in my life are working for me and what isn't resonating. I strive to be on the right track, making me feel blissful and contented with the little blessings I get everyday. If there are days and situations that will bring me down and suck the life out of me, I will be making adjustments in my life so that I will move more towards a happier state of mind.

Live life with your passions and principles too, my friends... life is way too short...really! Here's to a beautiful 2011.... Happy New Year to all!!! :))

CONFESSIONS OF AN SEO

There are times in each and everyone of us that we keep on getting constant stress leaving us totally worn out and helpless. I call this as a symptom of being burned out wherein, we seem to see everything looks bleak and it is usually hard for us to gather all energy to care or let alone, do something to get out of it. This case usually affects jobs, relationships and most of all, health. In my case, it's causing my world and my life to tilt fast....

Wonder why Search Engine Optimizers (SEO) that are good writers are highly paid... because we SEO people suffer from this case from time to time! It's not funny at all to watch how google crawls, indexes and serves the web all day and night! When companies decide to hire an SEO, it is a big decision that can potentially improve their sites, products, services and save time and money but also you can risk damage to your site and reputation especially if your SEO is not as productive and intelligent (as I think I am LOL!). However, An irresponsible SEO can be really damaging especially if he / she is suffering from technological burnout aside from the physical and mental aspect. Companies acquiring SEO's should understand that there are times that we get this once in awhile. SEO people must take a break from it all once in awhile and spend our hard-earned money! We are humans too... we get sick and tired of being on the internet! Our career alone deprives us from connecting to, socialize to, making love to other humans! Being with machines the whole time can be brain-whacking! A common reason for an SEO to be unproductive is being burned out. I don't know if there's such a thing already called an SEO illness but seriously, I am suffering from this thus; I am sharing these thoughts to all of you.

Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest or motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place.

Burnouts can be easily recognized which is a must for everyone. My current burnout is brought about my own personality traits. I have this perfectionist tendencies that at times, nothing is ever good enough. At times, I think I am better than Google (LOL... yes, the internet can drive us SEO crazy at times)! I am also this pessimist... having a pessimistic view of myself and the world. Another strong trait I have is having the need to be in control...thus having this reluctance to delegate to others resulting to me being exhausted all the time. Ah yes... the workaholic me.... always the high-achieving type A personality.

Lately, I started to withdraw myself from responsibilities, isolating myself from others, procrastinating, used alcohol to cope up and taking out my frustrations on others. Bad indeed but I do recognize these and that's why I need to battle this burnout symptoms I have before I self-destruct.

Things I need to do:

•  I'll start my days with a relaxing ritual.  Rather jumping out of bed as soon as I wake up, I'll spend at least fifteen minutes meditating, writing in your journal, doing gentle stretches, or reading something that inspires you.

• I'll now adopt healthy eating, exercising and sleeping habits. When I eat right, engage in regular physical activity, and get plenty of rest, I always get the energy and resilience to deal with life’s hassles and demands.

• Set boundaries... I won't be the "yes woman / yes sir" all the time. I can't afford to overextend myself. I will learn again how to say “no” to requests at my own terms and my own time. I have to constantly remind myself that saying “no” allows me to say “yes” only to the things that I truly want to do.

• Take a daily break from work especially that I am so much into technology. I'll set a time each day when I completely disconnect... Putting away my laptop, turning off my phone and stop checking emails.

• Going back to swimming to nourish my creative side. I choose this hobby/sport of mine... an  activity that has nothing and no relation at all with everything that I do at work. 

To sum it all up, I need to do 3 things... slow down, relax and reevaluate my goals and priorities. I need a vacation. Destination? Unknown but anywhere will do just to get me back rolling in my SEO world again! Hope the companies I work with understands.

 

Thanks @iamfabulousgeri for making me the 101st Sexiest Woman in the Philippines with your shots!!! Love you!!!

 

 

NEAR MISSES: A LOOK BACK IN TIME

Born a Gemini, I took so many interests in this lifetime that opportunities came in but I shrugged them off for reasons I didn't know back then but now I realize why. I smile as write this... as I look back in time.



Had I been a singer, I would've just made one hit album. Had I continued to play tennis, I would have had worse calf injuries. Had I been a full-pledged swimmer, I would have quit smoking. Had I chosen a career path as dancer, my university dance troupe instructor would've freaked-out... wondering forever how I became a good one (she never believed in me!). Had I been an actress, I would have been an adversary of the heroine and would have been the one of the most hated personalities on television nationwide.



Had I continued Nursing, I would have been sued multiple times with malpractice. Had I secretly married in 2002, I would've been stuck being a wife of an asshole. Had I not broken an engagement in 2009 and married that same year, I would've been separated a few days after and divorced before this year 2010 ends. Had I not quit my job from a tyrant, I would have been miserable and depressed and I wouldn't have met the good people I have been meeting lately. Had I forced myself to Greece this year to chase my dream, I wouldn't have had enough time to be with him, I wouldn't have let him heal his wounds and all will just lead to nothingness.

And so I still smile. With the ups and downs, the nice and not so nice near misses I've had in my lifetime, I would've have been different indeed... and I wouldn't be really happy.

What comforts me is the fact that despite some good and bad judgment I made in my life, I am still alive, contented and surviving. It's a rat race... if I went off the course, my life would be just as dull as others say theirs are and at least, mine is not!



And so... I drink to all of that! To my dream... it's never over yet! See you in 2011 and this time, I shall make it!

SOLITUDE

City life tears me apart once in awhile. I get burned out and I seek... solitude.



There are times when I seclude or isolate myself completely from the world. Failed relationships, bad choices, stress, being so far away from home, circumstances at work, health problems greatly contribute to this and I find myself seeking refuge in nature.

I felt like needing the mental and physical seclusion. Solitude... comes to mind for me to think or rest without being disturbed. Being isolated from distractions make it easier for me to concentrate, reflect, meditate and contemplate about my life. I seek to be alone and although solitude is entirely different from loneliness, solitude for me in this sense, is positive.



Privacy... is a luxury and every time I get the chance to get away from all and be close to nature, is a grand vacation enough. Solitude heals me and so it will with you.

Thanks, Vincent Garrucho and Mark Longos for the photos.
Location: Port St. Michel, Batangas, Philippines

CROSSROADS

There comes a critical point in time where critical choices must be made and that's what I call crossroads.



At some point in our lives, we are all faced with a crossroad of some type or another... The changes in our bodies, the changes in intimate relationships, the terrifying disruptions of our status quo, the daily life-and-death dramas which gives us loss of direction, motivation, enthusiasm and self-esteem. We suddenly have our fears, our griefs, confusions, depressions, and furious rages and suddenly the realization that life is all about the choices we make. We are humans... we make mistakes... we miscalculate.

When we make bad calls, it's not simple and never easy to fix. We get hurt, we bleed, we struggle at every piercing pain and we agonize for such snap judgments made that we knew would haunt us forever. We spend all our lives worrying about future, planning for the future, predicting the future that's always changing despite of it becoming the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. No one knows the future and the future is never the way we imagine it to be. In the end, we face crossroads of our lives... finding the will to escape... and escaping from the situation is about making a choice.



I am currently at a crossroad and again, I have to make a critical choice. After all, when the dam bursts, what am I supposed to do? Swim, right?

I'm taking a deep breathe right now like it is my last then I'm heading to tread waters again to stay alive. Some things in life just have to be learned the hard way and evading them is counter-productive and eventually destructive. The only way to get through them is to actually go through them.

Thanks, Vincent for the perfect images for this blog.

FAIRY TALES

Once upon a time... happier ever after.

The stories we were told and we tell are the stuff of dreams. Dreams we used to dream of as kids.



As an adult reading this, do fairy tales do come true? For the lucky ones, fairy tales told to us when we were young, happened.

However, what's with the most of us? What happened to our dreams?



Isn't it that the epiphany for most of us is that in reality, life is much stormier? That the reality is much murkier and much scarier?



Life's pains... we all just have to ride it out before we chase our dreams. There are no easy solutions... no easy answers. We just have to breath deep and wait for it to subside.

Reality... is indeed much stormier, much murkier and much scarier that we actually thought or think of.

I have had such a happy solid childhood. I miss Pinky and HH Lero... my first friends and I can't help but wonder... how life treated them. Hope one day, we get to talk about this... One day perhaps...

Thank you Jomi Garrucho for allowing me to post your wonderful photos here :))

SCARS

People have scars. We all have scars... scars in all sorts of unexpected places.



Scars are like secret road maps of our personal pasts and histories. They are the very diagrams of all our old wounds. Although our wounds heal in time, still, they leave nothing behind but a scar. Some wounds don't but with some wounds, we carry them with us everywhere... and although the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.



What's worse... new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should have healed years ago but never did?

Maybe our old wounds teach us something. Old wounds remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future.



There are just some things in life that we just have to learn over and over and over again.



There are some people though, who believes that without history, our lives amount to nothing...that at some point, we all have to choose - do we fall back on what we know or do we step forward to something new? It's really hard not to be haunted by our past... by our scars. History is what shapes us... our history is what shapes us... what guides us. Our history resurfaces time and time again and we are left to no choice but to remember that sometimes, the most important history is the history we’re making today.



Photography by: Jomi Garrucho
Thank you, Jomi for letting me post your collection here. :))