IN AND OUT, IN AND OUT...

We all fall in and out of relationships especially now in the era of technology. Gone were the teenage ideals, hopes and dreams of meeting just that one true love. Relationships are like buying cars nowadays... you gotta test drive first before actually getting them. Sounds cruel but that's how it is now.

As I read through my Facebook newsfeed yesterday, I can that many of my friends are going through so much drama about relationships. Whether they be family, friends, business and love relationships, the ranting on Facebook was just so much. One girl friend is going through a very toxic relationship lately and has discovered that the currently love of her life is cheating on her. A gay friend had an amorous bedroom affair with his lover for months, thinks that they have a love thing going on yet, he expresses that he finds himself feeling empty. A male friend just got out of a relationship lately, got into a relationship with a new one yet finding himself missing the old flame. Another girl friend talked about how blatantly her foreign boyfriend is making her feel insecure about herself. 

Toxic relationships. Shady relationships. We all go through or went through with that leaving us weak, confused and punctured. I chatted with these friends of mine to offer some kind of help and they revealed one common thing... they are going through the same kind of relationships over and over again. The psychological impact of bad relationships on us is just amazingly big and when we do get over them, we seem to be lured again into the same type of relationships. Maybe us humans are wired that way... that we keep on feeling powerless and get trapped in something we do don't want to be in. However, there are some of us who are really strong about things inspiring me to come up with possible ways to feel good about ourselves as we improve on handling relationships:

1. DON'T RUSH...

The Dating Stage
Relationships need not be rushed. We need to relax and just enjoy the moments spent with someone we fancy or we are dating . Just because life is hectic, it doesn't mean we have to rush ourselves nor others at all into something. We take time to know them more, take time to cherish the giddy side of dating, take time to discover the little pleasures of a mere glance or smile we get from them when we see them. Keep in mind that we all got our own lives too.

The First Intimacy Stage
At that very moment the act of intimacy happens, just keep enjoying it. No rush. Enjoy that first intimate things with someone. Linger on kisses, necking, petting and all those groping stuff. They are all fun especially when things go further.

The Falling Stage
Sometimes reality has its' way of biting us in the ass and there strikes many fears inside us. Fear of whether the thing going on will last or not, fear of the other person not really loving you back, fear if you really love that person and so many others things we do feel when we are starting to fall.  Although it's normal to start thinking of things we dread in life, just go with the flow. Sometimes it pays to through caution to the wind.

2. DON'T THINK TOO MUCH
Over-thinking complicates budding relationships. While it is normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful and off-center with the people we like, it is not helping the relationship at all because we tend to doubt it as a whole.

3. MAKE AN EFFORT TO COMMUNICATE
Yes, life can sometimes be cruel enough to push the other one away so make an effort to communicate. Building relationships require a lot of work and communication is the key but don't nag too much though. Remember, all relationships should have freedom.

4. LOVE YOURSELF MORE
There is something about loving yourself that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. Stop dealing with the past, don't compare your current flame to your old one and accepting the NOW are one of the things that can build relationships.

If you still feel insecure, powerless or you sense that you are trapped in a relationship or a budding one, then there is no relationship. The relationship doesn't exist at all. It takes a solid team work for both and a free will on your part to run any kind of relationships while keeping in mind that the endeavor needs freedom too. 

In, out, in out... that's the way love goes for everyone of us. In order to stay in, we just have to do our best to continue to build or keep a relationship if it is all worth our life's journey. And oh! Getting hurt eventually is part of it so just relax. For me, every relationship we encounter is worth the experience. It makes us feel we are alive! Fall in love! If it falls out, so what? It is then we move on. There are always reasons beyond us why things didn't work and it is always for the better. ;-) 

THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP

All of us are in a constant search for the key to a successful relationship and we know that having a successful relationship takes work from people involved.

It's never easy to have great relationships... there is always a constant battle and we continuously work on our relationships with people... trying to find ways to improve it. Although we have determined that communication, honesty, trust, respect and dependability are among the said keys to a successful relationship, time has greatly changed everyone and everything that these sometimes don't work.

With the growing and fast-paced technology we are experiencing, I have thought deeply about what the key to a successful relationship is nowadays and being on the internet almost 24/7, I have found what's relevant...

The key to a successful relationship: TOOLS ---> INTERNET OPTIONS ---> CLEAR HISTORY. :-)

ON PSYCHOTIC WOMEN SURROUNDING MALE FRIENDS

Don't you just hate it when strangers especially women you just met put words with colorful fonts in your mouth?

Most psycho women do not appear to be psycho right away.  Often times, it takes many months before their true colors start to show.

November 5, 2011... I was in my happiest mood celebrating the one year that I got reunited with my childhood best friend after 30 years. We followed our other friends at a club in Makati and met a nice new woman who happened to be in our circle. The party went on and I felt the need to go to the restroom. She was there and I was grateful that she was there too because I needed a brush. We talked for a fleeting moment as I carried on with a few strokes on my hair but I was completely oblivious, I admit... of what we actually talked. My bad... I cant even remember what she said because I was just in a hurry to get back to my friends and watch over my childhood best friend who met new people for business. I thanked her though and told her I'll see her there at the table. 

The woman didn't interest me at all and so did all the other women. All I cared of that night was... I was having a good time with my male friends, I'm listening to music, dance and I was with my childhood best friend whom I'm watching like a hawk.

Two days later, one of my friends told me that the woman whom I later learned having a little sumthin' sumthin' with one of my guy friends who was also there last night said she overheard me say to someone (whoever that was) that "she's a hooker" which is the reason why she was giving my guy friend some hell that night and they left!

I was completely oblivious about everything that transpired that night! I was having a good time... I was in my best mood and I sure did not talk about hookers or whores to anyone that night! That bullshit created a rage I haven't experienced for over a decade... reminding me of my number one pet peeve... when people say I said or did things that I did not.

I checked this out with 2 friends and they confirmed I did not talk to them about hookers and/or whores at all. The rest of my friends... I did not even talk to them much too! The woman who did not even merit or gain my interest to get to know her that night finally got my attention and and so here I am still angry about the BS she created... wondering why she did that.

It brings me to one word... PSYCHO. Yeah... Psycho... that one word that says it all. It means completely she's completely nuts... doing actions with no thought about possible consequences and absolutely no rational thought. This type of women are often violent, they break things, they throw things, they scream and yell, they do outrageous things like vandalize your properties, embarrass you, harass you at work and they even threaten your new girlfriend and even a plain girl friend!

Does she hold your gun so good? According to studies, women who are psycho are often very good in bed. My lover should be happy with me! Thank God, I'm not that good in bed... just fair because I just love to cuddle more.

This type of women causes a little paranoia in me because these women are just plain crazy and there is nothing anyone can do to change them! They can do all sorts of things... they gather their female friends and gang up on clueless victims that they consider as threat to their lovers or boyfriends. I've seen it a lot of times and I feel bad for this woman (even if I hate that she used me for a dramatic plot).

I've been in deep thoughts and anger all day yesterday... she finally got my attention, got me paranoid to the point that I talked to my lawyer and considered putting a blotter on her and her "lover" to protect myself at all cost.

I protect myself, my family and my friends from any harm. I do not own a gun. I do not even know how to shoot. I only held these toy guns for a fun photography shoot but If my family, friends and my own life is threatened in anyway and in a situation that I need to save someone including myself... I just might not hesitate to get a gun, do my best aim and pull the trigger. 

My life has been so far great when it comes to relationships. I have never been a threat to anyone. I have never been with someone who happens to in a relationship with someone else. I take good care of my reputation and I keep my values intact for I have been brought up by really good parents. Although I am sometimes brutally honest with my opinions on people, I deal with it privately and never publicly. Well... to those who abused me and my friends though, I tend to make them famous online LOL... famous enough to realize they will one day need to hire and pay good  someone like me to remove all the publicity unleashed online!

To the friend who's with this psycho: Congratulations! You are, to me a punching bag for an emotionally unstable and weak-minded woman! I never said such about her! You stay away from me too! God knows what she will do to me when she sees me hanging out with you!

To the psycho who involved me:  I am no threat to you. You use me one more time for your acting capabilities, I will become a willing director... I will cast you and redirect your life in a film with plots you have never imagined! But I thank you... you taught me a valuable lesson in life.... that rumors are created and carried by psychotic haters, spread by fools and accepted by idiots.

I was and still am, admittedly an idiot because this psycho merited a blog from me. Nuff said!

U2's WITH OR WITHOUT YOU... WHAT IT REALLY MEANS

With or Without You ... This song by U2 has always been my favorite song since it came out in 1987. It is the greatest song ever! I guess it's everyone's favorite considering the close to 25million likes garnered in youtube  for just this particular video alone!



I love the song but it's only lately that I began to ponder what it really means to me. This song can actually be fit into any interpretation by anyone...whether it be about religion or love, the lyrics are vague enough for it to fit various feelings.

This song reminds me of the man I care the most... not because of the lyrics but because I think of him every single time when this song comes to play or whenever I encounter it.

I never thought of any man in my life for this song before despite of it being my favorite love song till I met my special man. So whenever I hear this, I think of him.

Unbelievably profound... the drum does beat like the heart... This song for me is about a someone you love desperately but cannot be with and cannot stand to bear life without him or her which is the exact same thing I feel about the man I dearly love across the miles... who also loves this song.

Further curious about the meaning of the song, hereunder, I found an interesting interpretation in the internet:

This song has always seemed to be about somebody proposing to his wife.

See the stone set in your eyes = he's looking at the reflection of the diamond ring in here eyes. Also "setting a stone" refers to how a diamond is placed in/on the ring

See the thorn twist in your side = refers to the "bride" being unsure. You could also say it refers to twisting a ring to fit on a finger if the ring is too small.

I wait for you = waiting for her to answer

Sleight of hand and twist of fate = another reference to holding her hand and twisting the ring onto a finger.

On a bed of nails she makes me wait = nails, another hand refence. Also on a bed of nails means he's nervous.

And I wait without you = she hasnt said yes yet, so he waits alone.

With or without you = he's in limbo. He's taken a step but she hasnt said yes or no yet.

Through the storm we reach the shore you give it all but I want more = they have been through tough times together and even though she loves him, he wants more, for her to be his wife.

I can't live with or without you = he just wants an answer

Makes sense? 

It does make perfect sense indeed and so I have come to a conclusion that what makes this song so great is that we can interpret it any way we want it to. It can mean a whole lot of different things to different people and they're all right. However we take a song, if it means something to us then that's all that matters.  

This song is an incredible art form and that's the beauty of art... It doesn't always have to have one meaning. 

ON LIFE MANAGEMENT DIFFICULTY

Sometimes in our lives, we get to realize that there are things in this world that money can't buy but we tend to realize them too late that we never know what we have till we lost them. Sometimes too, we need to put some break fluid in what we say... we give consideration and respect to make people happy which will make us eventually happy.

I speak of burnouts here especially when familiarity starts to breed contempt. We may have grown to be good people (although others don't see that sometimes) yet, we have to understand other people's needs to have their own lives too.... to have some break free time from helping us, protecting us and caring for us and our interests in life.


Somewhere along the way, there are people who don't complain because they are grateful to us to what we have done for them but when we say things we thought are not hurtful (like saying a joke) and they get hurt, they harbor ill-feelings inside waiting to explode when one is suffering from a burnout. 


Burnout... Google it. Interest to earn money, loyalty, dedication will be diminished for people suffering from it. Having some time for their own lives, respect for their privacy, rest from work boundaries will matter more to these people as means to cope for emotional exhaustion.


How to prevent burnouts? Read "Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Coping Strategies".

WHEN LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS END

It's Christmas Season and I feel a little sad for a male friend who recently ended his relationship with his partner. 

  
They have been together for a long time which brings me to ask my friend.. "Why do you think good things never last?". He answered, "I don't know." and that's when I had to tell him, "Some good things in this life never last because maybe those good things could become better or meant to be better to last in a different way.".  

In his grief, my friend managed to smile with what I said. He realizes that it's the not the end... but actually, the beginning of something better.

A long term relationships takes time to get over and to move on especially, if true love was experienced.  With positive thinking however, the process of healing is guaranteed to be faster and not that it would take as long as the duration of the long term relationship. 

It may be difficult from the beginning but it's natural... that's why we all grieve. Grieving over the loss of a relationship will help us move on and think positive in the long run.  Suppressing is only going to make it more difficult. For every end of a long term relationship whether it be with a friend, a lover, spouse, etc., we should all cry over it. After all, we not only shared good times with them but bad ones too that prepared us to become stronger...for the end of it. 

Related blog - IT IS DEFINITELY GOOD TO CRY 

RELATIONSHIPS ON THE VIRTUAL WORLD

Actual date: Monday, May 25, 2009 at 10:55pm released on my Facebook and it's worth posting here.

"Behind keyboards...all those many miles away is a real person.... not a perfect person."



I am inspired to write this because of a friend whom I see dangerously falling for a man online… a perfect stranger. I love the virtual world but for some unknown reason, I really do fear for her because I see things differently. I’ve been on the ranting page for days and perhaps I am wrong of this guy. Perhaps he is a good guy after all. Still, I cannot help myself but write about relationships on the virtual world… based on other people’s experience and a few of mine.

Do you tell total strangers your most intimate secrets and desires? Do you share details about yourself that you wouldn't even tell your spouse or boyfriend when you know nothing about the person you are telling those details to? Would you have phone sex with someone whose number was carved on the wall of a subway restroom?

You might ask, "Who would do such things?" and wonder how I could ask such silly questions. But, if you've ever entered into an online relationship, you may have done all of that and more.

The virtual world can be a very dangerous place. It is the only place I know that anyone, anywhere, can be anyone they want to be. Who's to know if "Mr Perfect" is a truly sensitive guy or if he's on death row and having fun with trusting strangers?

Betrayal is devastating when it happens in real life, when our man/woman does the unthinkable. Regaining trust after a relationship betrayal can take years, if ever. And, yet, we think nothing of trusting someone we "meet" online, exposing our deepest secrets, and becoming emotionally involved even before we've met them in real life.

In real life, we're able to put a face and personality together, and, while we certainly don't know everything we may need to know to form a friendship or relationship, we have quite a bit. In a first meeting we can tell whether or not there's a "spark" that might grow to a flame or more.

In the virtual world, we use our imagination to "flesh out" the other person, giving him or her all the characteristics that we "need" him or her to have.

A skill-full manipulator is able to use just the right words to draw us into an emotional and/or sexual relationship, all without stepping away from his or her computer.

Photo exchanges are no guarantee of who or what kind of a person you're sending email to, IM-ing or chatting with. It's very easy for someone to "lift" a photo of another person from any number of sources online and pass it off as their own.

Not every online encounter is going to be dangerous or deceptive but do you know which ones are honest and which aren't? When you're in a support group sharing details of your marriage, don't assume that everyone in the group is there for the same reason. My point taken!!!!

Do you have an online friend with whom you feel comfortable talking about everything including very intimate personal issues even though you've never met in real life? Do you feel that honesty is an integral part of this relationship? Do you feel that this person may be or is your soul mate?

Here's how one woman described an online relationship in one site I’ve read:

"We talked about everything and he was so honest about how he felt and he offered me the support none of my family -- and certainly not my former boyfriends -- had ever offered. He didn't push for anything more than what I was willing to give; he was the ultimate gentleman. He even said he understood when I told him I was emailing other men, and he didn't object. He said there was no rush, that he'd take a cue from my needs. There was no pressure like the other guys I'd met in chat.

I was emotionally hooked by the time we arranged a meeting and I really thought it went well, no awkward pauses, and we seemed to 'click' in a physical way although I didn't go back to his room with him.

He was only in town for one day and when we parted he said he missed me already and promised to call as soon as he got home.

I expected to get an email the next day but there was nothing and he wasn't in chat and he didn't log onto IM. I waited until the second day to check an e-mail that he never responded to. By the end of a week I felt emotionally raw. I've never heard from him again. What did I do wrong?"

She, as so many others before her, trusted the written words of a virtual stranger. With those words, she created a "real" person, one who filled all of her needs. She "fleshed out" his words to create her soul mate.

Never underestimate the power of the imagination. When he says he has dark hair, you imagine he looks like he’s your fave movie star. You give him a sexy voice, a beautiful smile, a winning personality. He becomes the perfect man, the man with all the right words at all the right times.

And when he does become real and shows himself daily on web-cam, he becomes the one person who can brighten your day just by emailing "Hello, beautiful!" or IM-ing a smile. He's the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning, the last person you think of as you fall asleep at night. He fills in the emotional blanks within your life. Pathetic.

The two of you grow closer. You become dependent upon him and distance yourself from your real life relationships. Yes… real-life relationships!!!

Would he be as wonderful, as comforting, as perfect, in real life? We'll never know how many women have pushed for an off-line meeting only to have their cyber soul mate disappear forever. Other women meet their dream man to find that he isn't single or separated but either gotten someone else pregnant, married and worse, merely looking only for a lover. Words are easy, reality isn't.

In the virtual world, assume that at least one person in a chat room or a forum is a predator and act accordingly:

Don't post personal details in an open forum; don't assume that a private forum is any safer. On the Internet, there is no 100% safe place.

Don't email personal details to strangers no matter how understanding and solicitous they may appear.

Don't give out personal details when you're using chat or Instant Message programs even if the other person gives these details to you. They may have given you false information in an attempt to build up your trust.

Never flash your flesh to that perfect stranger not unless you have already met him and trusted him in real, in the beginning.

Even if you feel you can trust the person you've been chatting or emailing, don't give out your address, phone number, or last name. With internet searches, someone with even one personal detail can probably find out where you live and more.

If you're planning to meet someone you've met online, make your first meeting in a fairly busy public place and take a friend along.

Be SURE to take someone with you, at least give them details of who you're meeting, where you're meeting, and when you'll be back to work or home.

No matter how the sparks fly at that first meeting, don't invite him or her back to your place.

No matter how comfortable you feel at that first meeting, don't take a drive with them or let them drop you off at your house.

Trust your "gut." There is absolutely no need to force yourself to like someone. That's exactly the point of meeting face-to-face: to see if the "bond" you feel for this person is real or illusion.

Have you been betrayed before? Have you come to the Web for comfort and support? Have you trusted in virtual friends and been hurt when they've betrayed you? After being betrayed in real life, why would you think a virtual relationship would be any safer from betrayal? Remember that, behind that keyboard, all those many miles away, is a real person, not a perfect person.

Remember the character Ted Bundy? He was a real charmer. I'm not implying that your online friend is another Ted Bundy but until you are absolutely certain he or she isn't, play it smart and safe. Love yourself 75% and play the goddamn 25% to that virtual person if you want to.

Enough said. Hope this knocks some sense to you, my reader, because at the end of this, I did manage to realize what is supposed to be realized.