We all fall in and out of relationships especially now in the era of technology. Gone were the teenage ideals, hopes and dreams of meeting just that one true love. Relationships are like buying cars nowadays... you gotta test drive first before actually getting them. Sounds cruel but that's how it is now.
As I read through my Facebook newsfeed yesterday, I can that many of my friends are going through so much drama about relationships. Whether they be family, friends, business and love relationships, the ranting on Facebook was just so much. One girl friend is going through a very toxic relationship lately and has discovered that the currently love of her life is cheating on her. A gay friend had an amorous bedroom affair with his lover for months, thinks that they have a love thing going on yet, he expresses that he finds himself feeling empty. A male friend just got out of a relationship lately, got into a relationship with a new one yet finding himself missing the old flame. Another girl friend talked about how blatantly her foreign boyfriend is making her feel insecure about herself.
Toxic relationships. Shady relationships. We all go through or went through with that leaving us weak, confused and punctured. I chatted with these friends of mine to offer some kind of help and they revealed one common thing... they are going through the same kind of relationships over and over again. The psychological impact of bad relationships on us is just amazingly big and when we do get over them, we seem to be lured again into the same type of relationships. Maybe us humans are wired that way... that we keep on feeling powerless and get trapped in something we do don't want to be in. However, there are some of us who are really strong about things inspiring me to come up with possible ways to feel good about ourselves as we improve on handling relationships:
1. DON'T RUSH...
The Dating Stage
Relationships need not be rushed. We need to relax and just enjoy the moments spent with someone we fancy or we are dating . Just because life is hectic, it doesn't mean we have to rush ourselves nor others at all into something. We take time to know them more, take time to cherish the giddy side of dating, take time to discover the little pleasures of a mere glance or smile we get from them when we see them. Keep in mind that we all got our own lives too.
The First Intimacy Stage
At that very moment the act of intimacy happens, just keep enjoying it. No rush. Enjoy that first intimate things with someone. Linger on kisses, necking, petting and all those groping stuff. They are all fun especially when things go further.
The Falling Stage
Sometimes reality has its' way of biting us in the ass and there strikes many fears inside us. Fear of whether the thing going on will last or not, fear of the other person not really loving you back, fear if you really love that person and so many others things we do feel when we are starting to fall. Although it's normal to start thinking of things we dread in life, just go with the flow. Sometimes it pays to through caution to the wind.
2. DON'T THINK TOO MUCH
Over-thinking complicates budding relationships. While it is normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful and off-center with the people we like, it is not helping the relationship at all because we tend to doubt it as a whole.
3. MAKE AN EFFORT TO COMMUNICATE
Yes, life can sometimes be cruel enough to push the other one away so make an effort to communicate. Building relationships require a lot of work and communication is the key but don't nag too much though. Remember, all relationships should have freedom.
4. LOVE YOURSELF MORE
There is something about loving yourself that makes you attractive to the opposite sex. Stop dealing with the past, don't compare your current flame to your old one and accepting the NOW are one of the things that can build relationships.
If you still feel insecure, powerless or you sense that you are trapped in a relationship or a budding one, then there is no relationship. The relationship doesn't exist at all. It takes a solid team work for both and a free will on your part to run any kind of relationships while keeping in mind that the endeavor needs freedom too.
In, out, in out... that's the way love goes for everyone of us. In order to stay in, we just have to do our best to continue to build or keep a relationship if it is all worth our life's journey. And oh! Getting hurt eventually is part of it so just relax. For me, every relationship we encounter is worth the experience. It makes us feel we are alive! Fall in love! If it falls out, so what? It is then we move on. There are always reasons beyond us why things didn't work and it is always for the better. ;-)