NEAR MISSES: A LOOK BACK IN TIME

Born a Gemini, I took so many interests in this lifetime that opportunities came in but I shrugged them off for reasons I didn't know back then but now I realize why. I smile as write this... as I look back in time.



Had I been a singer, I would've just made one hit album. Had I continued to play tennis, I would have had worse calf injuries. Had I been a full-pledged swimmer, I would have quit smoking. Had I chosen a career path as dancer, my university dance troupe instructor would've freaked-out... wondering forever how I became a good one (she never believed in me!). Had I been an actress, I would have been an adversary of the heroine and would have been the one of the most hated personalities on television nationwide.



Had I continued Nursing, I would have been sued multiple times with malpractice. Had I secretly married in 2002, I would've been stuck being a wife of an asshole. Had I not broken an engagement in 2009 and married that same year, I would've been separated a few days after and divorced before this year 2010 ends. Had I not quit my job from a tyrant, I would have been miserable and depressed and I wouldn't have met the good people I have been meeting lately. Had I forced myself to Greece this year to chase my dream, I wouldn't have had enough time to be with him, I wouldn't have let him heal his wounds and all will just lead to nothingness.

And so I still smile. With the ups and downs, the nice and not so nice near misses I've had in my lifetime, I would've have been different indeed... and I wouldn't be really happy.

What comforts me is the fact that despite some good and bad judgment I made in my life, I am still alive, contented and surviving. It's a rat race... if I went off the course, my life would be just as dull as others say theirs are and at least, mine is not!



And so... I drink to all of that! To my dream... it's never over yet! See you in 2011 and this time, I shall make it!

FAIRY TALES

Once upon a time... happier ever after.

The stories we were told and we tell are the stuff of dreams. Dreams we used to dream of as kids.



As an adult reading this, do fairy tales do come true? For the lucky ones, fairy tales told to us when we were young, happened.

However, what's with the most of us? What happened to our dreams?



Isn't it that the epiphany for most of us is that in reality, life is much stormier? That the reality is much murkier and much scarier?



Life's pains... we all just have to ride it out before we chase our dreams. There are no easy solutions... no easy answers. We just have to breath deep and wait for it to subside.

Reality... is indeed much stormier, much murkier and much scarier that we actually thought or think of.

I have had such a happy solid childhood. I miss Pinky and HH Lero... my first friends and I can't help but wonder... how life treated them. Hope one day, we get to talk about this... One day perhaps...

Thank you Jomi Garrucho for allowing me to post your wonderful photos here :))

ON SECRETS AND FANTASIES

We humans tend to forget how good it feels when we finally are able to set secrets free. Whether it be good or bad, and whether we like it or not, at least they're out in the open.



When our secrets are out in the open, we don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with all secrets is... even when we think we are in control, we are not.



When do we learn that fantasy is made to be simple...that the pleasure is good and twice as much pleasure is better? When do we learn that pain is bad, and no pain is better? Reality is entirely different indeed. The reality is that... pain exists to constantly remind us that there's only so much pleasure we can take.



Maybe this is just fine and we just need to deal with it. Deal that maybe, some of our fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

Photography by: Vincent Garrucho
Model: Jodge Ledesma
Thank you, Vince... for my photo collection!!! :))

HOPE: FROM AN ADULT TO THE CHILDREN

There will come a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible... seriously, a grown-up. You will get taller... you will get older. But will you ever really grow up?



I've heard that it is possible to grow up. In my years however, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it.

Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves.

We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way.



We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark.

We look for comfort where we can find it.



And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope.



Never give up hope.

Photography by: Jodge Ledesma and Vincent Garrucho
Models: Cody Ledesma and Maxine Garrucho
Thank you Vince... for my goddaughter's photo and for allowing me to post it here... :))

A CHILD'S DREAM ONCE UPON A TIME

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. I dreamed of so many good things in life when I was a child... child dreams for the future that are life changing and ones that really make eternal difference.

The childhood friends I've had used to sit and talk about it whenever we lazily relax after a fun play. I dreamed of being a painter and a writer... traveling to Greece and France to write about ancient history, life and things that fascinated me as a child... stuff that I read in books. My best friend Pinky dreamed of an ultimate dream... being a movie star. Jovic dreamed of being a professional athlete. Harry dreamed of being a pilot like his father. Other kids I grew up with dreamed of ultimate dreams but did those dreams make an eternal difference in our lives now?

30 years later as I look at my Facebook account and scouring over the profile pages of my friends, I realized that all our dreams back then never came true. Perhaps, our dreams did change along the way. I'm sure we all didn’t like the changes and for some time, we feared it... but we just couldn't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we leave the dream behind.

My epiphany today:
It really does hurt to grow not having dreams met when one takes time to think about it. Anybody who tells us it doesn’t, is lying. Pinky never made it to be a movie star, Jovic left life a decade ago and Harry, i don't know. So what? The truth is that even if our dreams weren't materialized... the more things change, the more they stay the same especially in our hearts. The dream is not over till my life is. The future is never the way we imagined it to be but against all odds, we evolved.



Big thanks to Vincent Garrucho for the photos.