NO RAINBOW, WITHOUT A LITTLE RAIN

Woke up with a heavy heart today and I realize that there are times in my life when I need to reassess myself... slowing down and readjusting my life's trajectory. Lately, I have been encountering burnouts that people can't see or don't notice in me. I have had several road bumps lately that caused me prolonged stress and I battle it every day. 

Over the past years I have blogged about burnouts especially in my case that I am one human being that's 24/7 online owing to my profession. I have written about life management difficulty especially when there are things in our lives can turn our worlds upside down leaving us totally worn out and helpless, physically and mentally. Everything just seems look bleak and it is hard for us to gather all energy to care or let alone, do something to get out of it. Way back 2010, I confessed about experiencing burnout as an SEO... caused my world and my life to tilt fast. It is a vicious cycle. Yes, in my profession and most of us in the internet and social media, we struggle on this everyday after all, social media never really sleeps and that's what most people don't know about us..

It is just difficult to handle such a thing with technology interfering personal lives, personal activities and especially when one would get a punctured heart may it be owing to jealousy, an unfulfilled promise to loved one, not having the time for any intimacy, and so many more that a human heart experiences. This renders us to have this lack of emotion or apathy... the emotion is there though...all bottled up and waiting to burst. It's just dangerously nerve-wracking.

Here I go again, struggling to cope and overcome burnout. I know exactly what I need to do. I've been there before so I just have to hang in tough and continue to do what I need to do. Focus may be difficult but all I need is to slow down, pause, relax and re-evaluate my goals and priorities once more.

I am a toughie. I've always been. I can do this over and over again...it may take days, weeks, months to fully overcome. When a damn usually bursts, all I have to do is swim... no but's and if's. At the end of this all, I'm gonna smile again... a smile that takes only a special few to know that deep inside, I am okay and back on my feet. Nothing in life is not manageable and as as wise men used to say, "There is no rainbow, without a little rain".

WHAT'S GOING ON: JONAH MOWRY's CRY FOR HELP

I thank Jonah Mowry for sharing his feelings to the world via a very emotional video. Global concerns, love, prayers and support are all pouring out for him for he sent us all a very strong message.

Jonah is a teenage student suffering from emotional distress after years of homophobic bullying. Life hasn't been easy for him. This is his story...  

It moves you right? It broke my heart to see him introducing himself via index cards telling us what he went through. Jonah is alive and told us his story... gut-wrenching, leaving him into tears and most of us, as well.

His story is inspirational... reaching out to those who have suffered similar situations in life.  The index cards containing the many times he confessed of having suicide as an option unveiled a really strong message in the end...

 "I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, BECAUSE I AM STRONGER THAN THAT. I HAVE A MILLION REASONS TO BE HERE".

I sent Jonah a message of love and support all the way from the Philippines. He taught me a whole lot of things.. even as an adult, I sometimes struggle for sanity... we all do when it comes to rough times.

Sometimes it is not easy indeed to feel like we're the only ones in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated or unsatisfied but that feeling is all but a lie. Someone is bound to find us and help make things better if we just hold on because we all need a little help sometimes to remind us it's not always gonna be bad. 

Jonah is an admirable young teenager... despite his emotional distress, he managed tell us that... we never know how strong we really are until being strong is the only choice we have in the world. 

Soundtrack on Jonah Mowry's emotional video is "Breathe Me" by Sia which is appropriate for his cry for help. Lyrics here. Thank you, Jonah!

WHY WOMEN GO FOR SECOND BANANAS

Second bananas... I am referring to married men... my pet name for those who do not like using condoms that's why they are dads too. LOL! 

My business partner at Time in Manila, Pav Parotte at his finest modeling career... only for my blog.

My friend, Mond J. Ortiz a.k.a the guy who doesn't want to be a second banana just posted an interesting thought on Facebook and it goes like this.... "There are some women I know who are "third parties" and they are aware of it. And they are in a relationship with a guy who is married with kids and a wife. I am just wondering whats going on in the back of the heads of these "third parties". What motivates them to stay in the relationship? Why can't they just choose a single man instead of being with a married man with a wife and kids? Does their conscience even disturb them? Are they aware that they are actually destroying a family? I just cant seem to comprehend third parties because I would never allow myself to be a second banana."

Pav Parotte... a high target for women looking for second bananas. Disclaimer: Mate... don't kill me if your email gets flooded with proposals from women, okay? ;-)

Many of Mond's friends were also baffled with his post as to why some women go for married men. They gave their insights and opinions... all were very interesting and so, I posted my following opinions based on my past conversations with single and married friends:

Some women do go for married men and they do so for a variety and number of reasons that can go up to 101:

1. Don't Hate The players, Hate the Game.

Some women like this and they perceive of this as a game. Yes, these women enter into relationships with the married men who attracts them to see what he will do to screw up the lives of his wife and children to be with her. It's the same as with a man or woman who dates someone who's already in a relationship. It's a competition to some. Sick, yes... but coming between relationships to some is like a goddamn sport. 

Just modeling for this blog... Mr. Marcus (a committed guy) and Pav (a very very committed guy)

2. The Thrill of the Chase.

Some women always want they can't have. It's a thrill for them... an excitement that gives off endorphin or endogenous + morphine. Endorphin can either bring out natural pain or fight stress. I'm saying that maybe some women are wired that way to endure the natural pain of being in a complicated relationship whether it be short term or long term.  For some, it helps them fight stress. Going for a married man becomes a challenge for them. After all, it is harder to gain the attention of someone already committed and in love.

3. Second Bananas are Safe.

A married man for these women seems to be always more agreeable than the disengaged one. These women think that it is all safe with the married men... they can exert all their powers of pleasing without suspicion and that no harm can be done. And since these men are married, they can hardly demand a high level of commitment from women who go for them.

Me and Pav always have this funny moments together at Time. Nothing more than business.
Just to make it clear... I do not have an intimate relationship with this guy.
I have a business affair with him.

4. Going with the Flock.

Some women have a this herd mentality and they want what other women want. Yeah they go for the same cow that others want.

5. Great Ego Booster.

Yes, it's all about self-achievement similar to number 2 because married men are harder to entice thus; doing so is like an ego boost. It's like singing the song from Pussycat Dolls "Don't cha wish you're girlfriend is hot like me".  The fact that these women lured married men, they think they are hotter because men choose to sleep with them.

The incriminating photo that I may be judged as a woman who goes for married men..

6. It is an Earnest Business.

Life can be hard and so the grand plot of blackmailing becomes a business enterprise. Some women go for married men so they can set an entrapment. They target men who are so-called "loyal" to their wives and with perfect timing, gather evidences to trap the men and solicit huge amounts of money in exchange for silence. Ah well... silence is indeed golden.

7. Ain't Saying She's a Gold Digger but She Ain't Messin' with no Broke Nigga.

These women perceive of married men as good providers... in the monetary essence. They want money, jewelries, expensive shoes, bags, cars, etc. and that all of it comes from being a mistress without the wifely obligations.

This photo proves that Pav can not be someone that women (who likes married men) should chase.
He has this bromance with Mr. Marcus.

8. The Right Love at a Wrong Time.

It is inevitable for some women to love and be loved by someone at a wrong time. We are all human beings and love... genuinely sometimes just happen at a wrong time. These women couldn't help it. We can't beg them to stay away if they don't want to leave and be with someone else. This is what love is all about... Sacrifice!

I believe that the number of reasons behind this baffling topic can rise to 101 or more  if we clearly and further dwell on it but then I also believe that we should let these people be.  Seriously. It's their own lives.  To some of us, maybe we are wired to stay single forever, married, in a complicated relationship, etc... and to some, they are just wired to be in a starstruck relationship like Romeo and Juliet. We all exist in this world with various purposes in life and to know what life is, is to really live it on our own.

Ah... my favorite couple... Pav and my sweet friend, Anne!

I cannot truly be judgmental as to why some people go for the married ones.  Life for me is a beautiful waste of time and time is a beautiful waste of life... we should just waste our time and have the time of our lives... that's all that matters.

Thanks to E.B.E. and Vincent Garrucho for the great shots of my friend Pav who willingly agreed to model with me, Mr. Marcus and his wife Anne for this particular blog. Thanks Mond Ortiz for making me write this. Thank you, Pav... you're the best banana for this topic! :-)

A LOVE FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

Love... it is indeed one of the most mysterious feelings we human beings can ever experience as we go on living. Whenever we feel love, we tend question why. 

No one can really give us the answers answers and if look into our hearts deeper, we end up accepting the truth that we all need to love and feel love no matter what the consequences are. Love is the one thing that will keep us alive... to feel we exist.

Why do we exist? I believe we exist for many reasons and that we do exist for love. We exist for that one person in our lives who, just by the look in their eyes and their hearts, we find everything we need... it is then we know we must have loved them for a thousand years.

I stumbled into a beautiful inspiring song of love and hope sang by Christina Perri, "A Thousand Years"... which reminds me of my existence in this life. Yes, I am in love. I found love and despite the distance between me and him, I have stopped questioning love. All I know is that as I look into his eyes and his heart, I have everything this world can ever offer.

I must say I am an incurable and hopeless romantic. Having been able to fall in love and loved back, I fell from it in and out way too many times to realize that despite of the past, we exist for just one true love in a lifetime.

Our definition of love changes as we age from teen years to adulthood. It varies too with the people we tend to open our hearts to. In a funny way at my age now, I define love in totality as an orgasm... if we have to question it, then perhaps we didn't have it. We can't question love... it just happens... and if we throw caution to the wind and go to it's direction... life will be very beautiful.

To my Ilias... I love you for a thousand years. One step closer...


Images by Vincent Garrucho

LIFE IN SILENCE

Eight months ago on this very same day of the month (February 20, 2011), I sat on a bench with a Filipina woman who was all quiet at the beginning... staring at the garden view in front of us.  

I remember she had that very sad, blank look in her eyes as she held on a crumpled piece of paper while hugging her dark blue bag. After awhile, I hear her sobbing... then she cried hard. Rocking back and forth, tears continuously flowed down her face as she just stared out blankly... I could again feel her pain...  maybe someone died back home... maybe someone is dying... maybe she is dying... The paper obviously indicated a horrible news to her. I wanted to talk to her... to console her... I felt she needed it yet, I also felt she needed to be alone.

It took awhile for her to stop crying... there were moments she took out her mobile phone several times... attempted to dial but then she would stop. I felt that she wanted to talk to somebody dear to her but held back. It was then I see that she was gathering her strength. 

She was oblivious of any other people around her. Amazingly, no one ever bothered her. She took out a cigarette from her bag and lit it. After a few puffs, she unfolded neatly the crumpled paper... lit her lighter and burned the paper as she again, cried softly. The remnants of the burnt paper fell on the ground as the last part of it continued to burn till she stepped on it.

She sat there mostly crying... clutching her heart and then she would stopped crying... rocking back and forth she would resume to sobbing... then stopped sobbing. For perhaps after 2 hours, she finally stood up... stretched her body in full... breathed the air... picked up her bag and walked away.

Re-visiting today... I sit on this bench... took out my laptop to compose this. I can clearly remember how it was that day. It was a haunting memory... one that lingered in my mind for a long time as I have felt her pain... her burden.

I have to shut this down in a bit as I am an hour away from my appointment and I just caught a splinter... I have to remove it. As I look at the splinter while tapping my fingers on the keyboard, I remember that sad woman... a tear fell from my own eyes... my splinter is nothing in comparison to the splinter she carried in her heart back then.  Realizing that, she taught me a big lesson in life... that we shouldn't dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long no matter how painful nor hard life may be. She taught me in silence that right now is life... we have to face it and live it.

The haunting scene eight months ago at this very day... February 20, 2011... I sat on this bench and I saw a chance at life.

ON LIFE MANAGEMENT DIFFICULTY

Sometimes in our lives, we get to realize that there are things in this world that money can't buy but we tend to realize them too late that we never know what we have till we lost them. Sometimes too, we need to put some break fluid in what we say... we give consideration and respect to make people happy which will make us eventually happy.

I speak of burnouts here especially when familiarity starts to breed contempt. We may have grown to be good people (although others don't see that sometimes) yet, we have to understand other people's needs to have their own lives too.... to have some break free time from helping us, protecting us and caring for us and our interests in life.


Somewhere along the way, there are people who don't complain because they are grateful to us to what we have done for them but when we say things we thought are not hurtful (like saying a joke) and they get hurt, they harbor ill-feelings inside waiting to explode when one is suffering from a burnout. 


Burnout... Google it. Interest to earn money, loyalty, dedication will be diminished for people suffering from it. Having some time for their own lives, respect for their privacy, rest from work boundaries will matter more to these people as means to cope for emotional exhaustion.


How to prevent burnouts? Read "Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Coping Strategies".

FEELING WHAT I WANT

There are times in my life that I get sad, unhappy and depressed. Things go wrong and I couldn't help it. These emotions however, always help me live through life and these makes me feel eventually, what I want my life to be.

Before you go on reading, let me amuse you with this great dance video to set you in the mood as you read along....



But what is it that we usually do or should do whenever we are suffering from these emotions?

I've enumerated below things I do whenever I am sad, unhappy and depressed which might be of help to you just in case you fall into such condition...


I Dance, I Exercise 
Getting into an activity that requires me to sweat is the most effective method of feeling better right away. I just either play a dance music and dance into it or I go outside and just start running. It doesn't matter how fast I ran or how far I ran for as long as I get my heart pumping and my blood flowing. It works wonders as sweating releases endorphins that makes me feel better especially if I do these under sunlight and fresh air. When I'm done with these, I always find myself catching my breath that nothing else seems to matter. Yes, there is something about struggling for air that makes all troubles seem very trivial.

I Laugh
Although it's not always easy to laugh when I can't find something funny, I just look for it further. Life has so many things to offer there is absolutely nothing that we can't laugh about. Laughing releases endorphins, it makes me feel better and it relaxes me.

I Reminisce
I think of good old memories.... I think of moments when I was truly happy. I spend at the end of each day recalling good memories I have that before I know it, I start relating everything to those happy times. What happens to my sad memories? They end up being a vague recollection of the past.

I Do The Things I Love
As I do the many things that I love about in life like singing, dancing, swimming, doing sports activities, writing, travelling, taking photos etc.... I take them all in and really appreciate it because it makes me feel great and alive. 

I Pick Happy Friends
Having a lot of naturally happy friends work wonders! They make me happy randomly over the long term, I start to learn why they are happy and learn the source of happiness for myself, they have happy friends also and so I get to meet even more happy people and they introduce me to activities that make them happy! I pick happy, smiling people... and I hang out with them on a regular basis because happiness is infectious! 

Life sends various negative emotions to me at times but when I want to feel what I really want, I throw caution to the wind and let go of it all because there is always a spectacular side over negative ones!  


Thanks to Vincent Garrucho for my party images here at Time in Manila.

LIFE IN 2011

All of us strive hard to be successful in life... we go through life like it's a rat race but at times, our lifestyles can hold us back from fulfilling our dreams and reaching our goals. Seriously... it can wear us down.

me providing distraction to Bob Sinclar LOL!

Exhaustion

It is energy that is the most precious resource for driven business people like me... It is not time. Today's fast-paced living or lifestyle often depletes our energy and wears us down to the point that it is sometimes difficult to recover from. As I grow older each year, I have moments of having difficulties to better manage my energy to stay healthy.

with my best friend and photography partner Vincent Garrucho

with my best friend Melissa Chua

In this new age of all-access information, we tend to deplete our energy... our life force zapped by partaking in way too many activities which eventually leads us to unhealthy lifestyle practices in order to deal with day to day stress.  

with Jay Server of Time

Time for me is important. Energy is also for me, equally important. Time without enough energy can make this limited for us. I'd like to resolve the thoughts and stories running in my head that are driving me non-stop. It's crazy and it's taking away my focus from being present in the world I live in today with a lifestyle plan and goals that work for me. I don't want to be stuck then leave issues in my life unresolved later on. I got plans... I got dreams... I got ambitions. I don't want heavy lifestyle outpace my ability to take care of myself.

with Domini Primero of Time

With Hidehiko Sato and Youngji Nam of Time

with Jay Server and Pav Parrotte of Time

I'm going to sustain a high quality of life... in the sense of living it right... gaining energy more to make full use of my time in this life. Not by money motivated by envy, greed, lust, or any of the deadly sins will I get my strength to sustain my life and go on living unlike others do. I will get and sustain my high quality of life if I make my mindset work for me and definitely not against me.  

with Capt. Harry Lero of Airgurus Ltd. Co.

It's a Saturday night... I am tempted with the texts and calls for another night out but I'm going to be responsible of myself. 

with Bernard Anacta of Monaco Models International Philippines

with Edda Galoy and Luciano of Monaco Models International Philippines

 
I'm going to relax this night away, gain my energy to keep my companies Airgurus Ltd. Co., Time and Monaco Models International thriving and clients happy.  In return, things will fall into the right places and I will be eventually more happy and powerful to achieve my personal and professional goals. 


Whenever I have to say "No" to fast-paced lifestyle sometimes, here's one funny vain line i usually tell my friends that I'd like to share with you.... "WITH GREAT LOOKS, COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITIES"! LOL!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

To mwro mou...

To my best friends in life...

To my best buddies in photography - Vincent, Norman and EyeQ Media men... 

To Harry Harvey Lero of Airgurus Ltd. Co., my Time partners Jay Server, Domini Primero, Pav Parrotte, Youngji Nam, Ortanez Brothers, and my best friend Bernard Anacta...

"The world has yet to learn that the actual pleasure derived from material things is of low quality on the whole and less even in quantity than it looks to those who have not tried it." Deep? I never acquired you guys through material things... I acquired you through years of friendship, trust and respect and that's how it's gonna stay till the end. I treasure you guys.... Here's to a great 2011! My new year starts today (10 days before the actual Chinese New Year.... Lovelots...  Kung Hei Fat Choi from me and my family!

MORALITY AND VALUES: WHEN THEY LEFT YOU...

I'm basically going to talk about how parents taught us when we were kids, reflects the kind of person we are now as adults.

  
I'm no sinner nor saint... I'm just perhaps one of those that despite the bad elements that constantly surround us, I still stick to what I believe is good and is right, in general. At times, I find myself playing a role to people I know... making them realize that I may not be not a great example but a good warning to those on the verge of losing their moralities and values. 

Bad (not totally) versus bad can sometimes help for others to see what's up while maintaining tact and some respect. I hate that role but it seems that it has to be that way sometimes because I felt I owe it to my own parents.

  
Growing up as a kid, my parents instilled in my mind... morals and values that helped me become polite and respectful although there are times, I have to admit, that I lose it sometimes... especially when push comes to shove. However, my parents did let me know that integrity and trust can go a long way when it comes to good character. They modeled the behavior that they want us, their kids in the family to display... holding us accountable for our actions and value honesty and integrity. They instilled morals that I would say, assisted us to become men and women with strong characters.

Our parents taught us some valuable things in life that I won't ever forget and which I will instill in the minds of my own children someday. I'm very lucky to have such good parents and here are some things I've learned:

• That a person whom others trust and who does what he/she says do earn the respect of others by his actions... integrity and trust can really do come a long way.

• That winning isn't everything...  whether we lose or win a game, what matters most is that we understand the value of good sportsmanship.

• That we are accountable for our own actions.... unwise decisions and improper behavior have future consequences.

• That there are some things in life that can be addicting and has the potentials to take over our lives.

• That others take offense in foul languages.

• That money isn't everything that makes the world go round... It is greed and power... power corrupts peace and harmony.

• That there are some things in life that can't be bought and buy you real happiness... that superficial things can go away faster before you even realize it.

• That we should learn to hold dear what's worth it... like true friendships / relationships... know which one is real and which ones are the fair-weather-friends (people who are there when you have money or things that interest them but those who will not be there to pick you up when you fall).

• That either you get to be outsmarted or be the one to walk away from pathetic things or situations that will go nowhere.

• That unproductive people... people who got used in spoon-feeding... people who just wait for money to come easy and not working hard for it are just a waste of time, money and effort.

• That wealth acquired through an insecure lifestyle and that is marred by uncertainty, instability and excessive efforts is no wealth at all. 

• That it is easy to hate and it is difficult to love.... all good things are difficult to achieve and the bad things are easy to get... just as it is hard to let go of good things but easy to let go of the bad things.

• That we should learn to appreciate, be contented and be thankful for what we have... smiling at the little blessings we get each day. 

• That patience is a virtue.

• That the acts of this life will be the destiny of the next.

   
There are so many things that my parents instilled in my mind. Sometimes I break them, sometimes I don't or, I only realize it later on... which is still good than not having to remember them. I've been through a lot in my life but with what my parents taught me, I remain a good person as a whole. 

Today,  I get it really ...looking at other people how they waste their lives, I realized how important it is for parents to take some time to instill morality and values to the young.  

  
To sum this all up, my parents did raise me well. I have cheated on my fears.... I have broken up with my doubts and got engaged to my faith. Now, with my moralities and values intact, I'm going to marry my dreams.

To mommy and daddy.... I love you both and thank you! Thanks also to Cody, Maxine and Felisa for being such great models for this blog... including myself LOL! 

LIVING LIFE WITH PASSIONS IN 2011

I believe that to live a happy, fulfilled life, we need to recognize our own needs to feel connected to others in a deep and meaningful way.

My life in 2010 is about to end and a new one... a beautiful one will start in 2011. I want to live my life with my passions.

Living my passions will lead to fulfillment that will give my life more purpose, especially if it involves the people in my life. When our lives are fulfilled, it is difficult for any disease to manifest and thrive within. Our bodies will become engrossed in a positive feedback loop that thrives on the stimulation it is being fed. I will stick close to my passions, live by my own principles so I keep my health intact, improved and live longer a fulfilled life with the people I love.

I want to share the principles I have lived by that made me who and what I am to my family, friends and loved ones and these principles are what I intend to keep for my new life in 2011:

• I will live my life with my passions and make it my priority.
• I will look beyond my limitations.... finding things I still can do because it will help me find a way to live everyday with joy.
• I will never lose my sense of humor because there is absolutely nothing I can't laugh about. Laughter is still the best medicine.
• I will approach life again like I lived my life... with curiosity, courage and connections.
• I will open myself up to the mysterious.... as I don't have to be sure about everything.
• I will be fearless as always.... If I am to face death, I shall make it mean something and leave good footprints behind.
• I will keep in mind that if I am to say goodbye, it is saying hello to another awareness that could lead to contentment.
• I will appreciate life with it's ups and downs because my very existence is life to others.

 
My friends... I listen to my thoughts and emotions all the time. I use them as gauges to help me identify what things in my life are working for me and what isn't resonating. I strive to be on the right track, making me feel blissful and contented with the little blessings I get everyday. If there are days and situations that will bring me down and suck the life out of me, I will be making adjustments in my life so that I will move more towards a happier state of mind.

Live life with your passions and principles too, my friends... life is way too short...really! Here's to a beautiful 2011.... Happy New Year to all!!! :))

WHEN OPPORTUNITIES TO STRIKE IT RICH INTERFERES WITH MY HAPPINESS

Don't you just hate it when real life interferes with our happiness? Decisions become very, very tough. You know what I'm talking about.... taking into account of your current happy situation and comparing it to the possibility of something unknown but you know you will be happy there too. It's enough to make one's head swim! 

Whenever I am torn between things especially ones that involve money, I always remember what my daddy used to tell me... "Stop living for tomorrows that may never come and start living for today but keep in mind, money isn't everything."

There were many instances in my life that I had to make the choice to go with the money and I had to constantly battle my way up the corporate ladder only to find that an honest worker like me would wish the competition would die suddenly and/or that she gets diseases so she will stop screwing every single client she has + including mine to get the account and beat me on my own marketing skills. Eventually I gave up realizing it wasn't the world that I was meant to be in.

I wasn't living paycheck to paycheck back then but I never had a peace of mind even if the money that I was working for, meant to have the things I wanted in life... a home for family, a home to raise a child in, a decent car with driver and no monetary problems. Everything just didn't feel right and that's when I somehow realized what daddy meant. 

Thinking now about some friends who made their dreams...

One female friend offshore finds it having a ball with getting all the grand material things she ever wanted in life only to realize in the end she has a thousand of friends who are actually strangers because she lost all her real friends back then because of her vanity along the way. She is still searching for her own happiness.

Three male friends who made it rich than they could ever imagine finds themselves desiring, wanting and marrying young, beautiful women... women who would love them for their money. Two of them got cheated upon by their wives while they were away and the other one's wife leaped off their building because she thought she'd had a calling that she could actually fly on her own... and she did but straight down (oh, drugs!). These men developed a penchant for fakes and got the hang of it till now. Trophy wives... trophy girlfriends... what's the real trophy to be bragged about here? Fast forward... Hugh Hefner in the making but would there actually be real women in their lives to truly take care of them when they are sick and old? Think about the word... escrow!

One male friend moved away from his country, got a great job, got married out of loneliness in a strange country and is still stuck with a wife who's more than a stranger from the beginning of their relationship.

One female friend strike it rich and came back buying handsome men... literally for their love that she ended up not finding true love and is still very much alone. She aged big time for her actual age. 

Another male friend who did good in life became similar to the three guys I mentioned earlier. Desiring, wanting and buying bimbos. Every single "hottie" seems to have a price tag in his eyes to the point of buying them grand things for their attention and for meaningless sex. Pathetic... he can't seem to realize that there are a little-lesser-endowed women out there who can actually love him for what he is and not for what he has.

Two female friends somehow made it offshore after so many years and came back to their families with their own children growing up to be total strangers to them. 

I needed to think about these friends because sure... money can bring happiness to the table... money can get me anything tempting... money can secure me and my kid a great future... but if it all entails me to go further away to a strange land, be alone, work for richness, letting go of what I want to do for the rest of my life and not seeing much of my kid grow (as if it is not already enough that he is an hour's flight away from me) then I would have to say "no". 

I know I got one heck of a choice ahead of me and that I pray that I can find peace in the road that I choose to take. I know that either way, they are good choices for me but the thing is, I know what I want in life. I know what I can do. I am a simple, funny, happy and contented woman who finds peace in everything that I do. Money isn't everything.

Writing this reminded me of what daddy said and now I see both ends of the spectrum. Yes... I am now making my choice... a choice which my heart is telling me it is the right one for now.

For my two great friends and bosses, Ed & H... I am staying.... for there are far more valuable things here in my life that money can never buy and that includes your friendship, faith, trust and confidence in me! Let's roll!!!

For Christine... let's do what we discussed yesterday and let's roll too!!!

To TimeinManila... It's time!!! 

To Cody... I may not be able to give you everything you want in life but this decision is all for you. I love you with my all life!!!

To daddy in heaven... you raised me well... Thank you... I miss you and I love you!!!