FAKING IT...

I had a really good conversation with a male best friend of mine most recently.... all about our past relationships, sexual experiences, the big O and faking it. It was a fun exchange of thoughts, to sum it all up. 

 
That conversation is pure honesty between best friends that I'm led to believe that both of us perceived sex as something to be enjoyed and faking it... breaks a trusting and loving relationship with a partner. After all, faking an orgasm is a form of deception.

I'm not gonna heat things up here unlike in my controversial blog, "The Helicopter Is The Best Choice For..." which you can read later. Right now, you will be reading about sex and orgasms but it won't bore you at all... it will be a little explosive, though... because its the truth. 

Wait... before I tackle any further, let me clarify with you that based on conversations with friends and readings, it is not just women who fake it... Men do too! While women openly talk about faking orgasms as we've read or heard, men have talked quietly about faking orgasms for many years.

  
Women have two common reasons for faking an orgasm... to make their male partners feel better and to end sex when they are tired. These reasons are brought about by the common perception of women that the male partners are not satisfied until they give their female partner an orgasm thus; sex will go on till the women achieves it or fakes it.
 
Men on the other hand, also have two reasons for faking an orgasm... to give the "to get it over with" excuse and to make their female partners believe they enjoyed it. Despite lies about sex or sex myths, men can't always have orgasms whenever they want it that sometimes, faking it is better than dealing with what's actually going on. 

 
Sad, right? Sex is the most enjoyable activity in the world... it is beautiful. I can't really understand why people think about faking orgasms when it is quite easy to be honest about it. Whether we like it or not, faking it is a form of lying to your partner. 

Funny... I've read about people claiming they know when their partners are faking it. Sexual responses like heart rate increase (duh! engaging in sexual activity is bound to pump up your heart), muscle tension (that too) and heavy breathing (who wouldn't be?) are not the basis for faking it because these are all normal responses in us humans and animals alike after every strenuous activity! Am I right?

So can we really tell? We can't just base it on what we see, too. Some people get to be quiet, others get loud and noisy, some moan, some don't, some groans, some don't, some moves a lot and there are some that they tend to be still. I believe... that the only way to know the truth about our partners faking it or not is... by asking with an open mind. If our intent is to catch them in a lie then I don't think we will be able to get some answers. But, if we make it clear that we are honestly and genuinely interested to know, I believe... it could be our best chance at the truth and improve sexual activities with our partners.

I'd like to say once more that sex is the most enjoyable activity in the world and it is... beautiful if you and your partner perceive the same. However, it can get ugly between two people if one or both are lying about achieving orgasms. 

I'm no sex guru nor an expert... I'm just an ordinary girl who speaks her mind. Personally, it is important for me that I really like the person before I get intimate with him. Why? Because at least I don't have to fake it! I'm comfortable with my partner if that's the case and I don't see the point of faking stuff... really! There are means and ways to tell a partner that you'd like to both achieve an orgasm... touching, kissing, licking, exploring, etc. can really push orgasm to the hilt and so does honesty! Speak up... say what's on your mind and say what you want with your partner. In return, he/she will be able to tell you what they want. Cause and effect, ladies and gentlemen... I say no more!

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I dedicate this blog to my best friend... you know who you are ;))

Also dedicate to my beautiful best friends (in the photos with me) that perfectly fits in this particular blog... you guys are the coolest and funniest girls in my life! I love you forever, Angge and Junak ;))


And to Vincent Garrucho... you're the coolest eye behind lenses! Thank you! I know you love it that I included Hans here ha ha ha!!! He fit perfectly!!! :D

IT IS DEFINITELY GOOD TO CRY

When life becomes too harsh or too good enough to make me cry, I succumb... I whimper and I cry hard. 

I would shed my tears all out... knowing that if I cry my heart out, I'll be better the next days... shedding tears make me tougher and stronger because after each and every cry, I feel cleansed... like my heart and mind consoled each other to feel better.  William Shakespeare once said, "To weep is to make less the depth of grief." and I truly believe it does.

Is crying good for us? Here are some of the 5 reasons why I believe, people should cry once in awhile...

• Crying is cathartic... It's purifying and a very good therapeutic technique to release emotions and stress we endure.
• Crying build relationships... When we cry with friends around, the bond becomes stronger. I myself am astounded by the resounding support of my friends and the level of intimacy exchanged among us. Crying simply forms communication and connection... bringing us closer to people in our lives.
• Crying cleanses our eyes... tears lubricate our eyeballs and eyelids which helps our eyes avoid dehydration. When our eyes our not lubricated well enough, we can't see things clearly, right?
• Crying manages stress...It relieves us of tension, reduces blood pressure and removes chemicals that are built up in our bodies due to stress like endorphins, prolactin and many more.
• Crying helps kill bacteria... Say goodbye to wet wipes! Our tears contain lysozyme! Tears can kill 90 - 95% of bacteria in just a few minutes! 

Crying is not a negative thing as other people perceive it to be because it has a lot of benefits in awaiting for us. Some people control themselves from crying thinking that they can be tough, look tough in the eyes of others but no... it just adds up worries. Suppressing a cry is bad. 

Shedding a tear or two relieves us from worries, stress, etc. It is just normal for us to cry and crying is not being weak. Not only does it make us feel we co-exist with others, it just simply proves we are human.

LOCKED UP ON EMOTIONAL PRISONS

There are times we yearn for more intimacy in our lives yet, we aren't really certain how to get what we want that sometimes, just when we get to be close to getting what we desire, we build walls.



I had a good discussion about this with my cousin last night about his being vulnerable in the past and building walls. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is dangerous as being one implies we might get hurt. No one wants to get hurt or to hurt another.

What is intimacy? It's a step towards a possible relationship because a relationship without intimacy is not a relationship. It's what you call "friendship".

With this, we talked about who builds walls more... the men or women. My cousin built walls and I built my own walls too. However, for me, it's the men. As children, girls wail about physical pain and they're allowed to do so while the boys brought up to think it is not manly to show the pain. This caused little boys not talking about their feelings. They grow into men with an emotional vocabulary less developed than that of the women.

Men in general often have trouble naming exactly what they feel and often more vague in describing emotions. I remember an ex-boyfriend who would often be anxious when the whole topic of emotions are being brought up while I was more comfortable talking about almost anything else!

Some men talk about feelings as if they live in fortresses with walls as high as The Great Wall of China! A few were allowed to walk in but these are the ones closest to them. Although they felt safe within the confinements they built, they feel as if there is essentially no one with whom they can truly be themselves... which is really sad. Some men i know including my cousin overcame and break down their own walls because they realized it gets too be too lonely.

So many of us confuse thoughts and feelings. Feelings are words, not explanations. We all live in a time when depression is rampant in our time. Depression isn't always feeling sad. Depression is at times, just feeling numb or very little thus; we build walls which is not good.



Defenses though aren't bad. Without these, we would be vulnerable and some experiences can be very painful. If our shield is always up, we should always think not just with our thoughts but feel our feelings. When we yearn for intimacy, we need to acknowledge our feelings. When something happens, we take a deep look on it for we never know if what we are feeling is actually more than one feeling.

I keep my defenses up all the time but there are instances that I lower them to find out what could actually be because I don't want that one day, I'll forever wonder what could have been, what should have been and what might have been with a particular person or situation. After all, everything is a risk and pain... we just gotta let it ride out or we wouldn't feel human at all!



Life is just way too short to worry about so many things!

Thanks to Vincent Garrucho for my own photos :))