I just found out that each of us has a "love map"... a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes as per the study of a Johns Hopkins University professor. The love map shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build, etc. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether its the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type. We tend to fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. This love map is largely determined in childhood.... by age eight at that! The pattern for our ideal mate has already begun by then to float around in our brains.
Surveys and studies showed many similarities between ideal mates and mothers. Yes... our mothers... the first real love of our lives. They're the ones who write a significant portion of our love map! Aha! So that explains it... why us we sometimes can't help but wonder a friend's outlook towards love and even wonder our own outlook towards love!
When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention and we are the center of hers. Our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.
The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. Oh my! This is becoming to be interesting. So if a man's mom is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are and they will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.
For those who have mothers with depressive personality (sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting), this may raise a man who becomes a "dance-away lover" because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a lover for this reason. Yeah!!! That really explains it, right.... why there are some men who tend to treat women with detachment and perceive them as "easy plays".
While mothers determine in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, the father... the first male in our lives, influence us on how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children... pertaining to personalities and chances of marital happiness.
Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers on the other hand, influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. Hmmm.... dad influenced me perfectly well ha ha! No wonder I feel like a passionate, natural-born flirt and an incurable romantic! Daddy loved mommy so much till the very end of his life and I'm so fortunate to have them wonderful loving parents!
With this recent reading of mine, I realized that in a relationship of us adults, our own family background really plays an important role in influencing us with regards to our preferences and our search to find ideal mates.
Some of you may disagree on this but I believe in what I've read. The love map makes us recognize the feeling of fusion... the oneness even as we all continue to change, grow and fulfill our lives.
Reference: http://www.rd.com